IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles. Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that each individual has their own way of spending their free
time
Use synonyms
. Some people use leisure
time
Use synonyms
 for activities and others for rest. In fact, there are no fixed guidelines or rules on how to spend your
time
Use synonyms
, but in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both sides and give my opinion about it.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, using various active actions
for example
Linking Words
 reading, working on a hobby and doing word puzzles will influence critical thinking and improve mind analysis which will be more
time
Use synonyms
 efficient to spend in.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some person feels it is more important to rest their minds during break
time
Use synonyms
 to clear their thoughts from work tasks and social communication.
However
Linking Words
, both sides depend on the human situation at that moment.
In other words
Linking Words
, a worker who consumes all of his energy doing hard work and long working hours will prefer to clear his mind if he gets the chance during weekdays and do what he likes to do at weekends. Despite that, some employees have the capability to make all their to-do lists during the day busy to feel a sense of achievement.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most individuals who are not working on jobs
such
Linking Words
 as students or retired personnel have been able to get their hands on as they have more
time
Use synonyms
 for activities. In conclusion, from my perspective, I prefer to do the majority of my duties and finish them on
time
Use synonyms
 to spend what is left on aspects that I want to accomplish in my own way in life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay, consider using more connecting words and phrases to clearly signal the relationship between ideas. For example, words like 'however', 'furthermore', and 'on the other hand' can help guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, make sure to provide specific examples and evidence for each point you make. This will help strengthen your argument and support your ideas.
task achievement
To further improve clarity and comprehensiveness, aim to elaborate more on your ideas, providing detailed explanations and examples where possible.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, clearly presenting the topic and summarizing your viewpoint.
task achievement
You have addressed both viewpoints appropriately, which demonstrates a well-rounded understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • mental stagnation
  • intellectually stimulating
  • relaxation
  • meditation
  • stress reduction
  • overall well-being
  • personal development
  • life satisfaction
  • sense of achievement
  • emotional balance
  • peace of mind
  • scientific evidence
  • memory
  • learning
  • creativity
  • emotional regulation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: