IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The descripted two pie charts depict the domiciliary energy usage of Australian people by means of the household appliances and the amount of detrimental gases caused by each direction of energy use.

The descripted two pie charts depict the domiciliary energy usage of Australian people by means of the household appliances and the amount of detrimental gases caused by each direction of energy use.
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The first pie chart illustrates the amount of
energy
Use synonyms
 consumed by households
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Australia in six aspects, and the second chart represents the
greenhouse
Use synonyms
 gas
emissions
Use synonyms
 resulting from
this
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that Australians consumed more
energy
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
heating
Correct article usage
the heating
show examples
 and water heating process.
Besides
Linking Words
, the
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gass
Correct your spelling
gas
emissions
Use synonyms
 from water heating and other home appliances are more significant than the other usages.
First,
Linking Words
according to
Linking Words
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both pie charts,
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption by heating appliances
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
soared to about half of the chart but surprisingly, its average gas
emissions
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 a mere 15%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, water heating
instruments
Change noun form
instruments'
instrument's
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
 usage was practically as much as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
refrigeration, lighting, cooling and other
gadgets
Change noun form
gadgets'
gadget's
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 proportion in terms of
energy
Use synonyms
utilize
Replace the word
utilisation
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, its
greenhouse
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 reported to be the same proportion as its
energy
Use synonyms
 usage with a negligible difference (about 2%).
In addition
Linking Words
,
about
Change preposition
regarding
show examples
 the refrigeration and lighting power, their CO2
realeases
Correct your spelling
releases
 were double
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
houseowners'
Correct your spelling
house owners
 consumption each.
However
Linking Words
, other appliances'
energy
Use synonyms
 utilization was nearly half of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
greenhouse
Use synonyms
 release quantity (15% and 28% respectively).

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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse, emissions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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