A large income is much more important than being satisfied at work. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

There is
argument
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an argument
the argument
show examples
that high remuneration is
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
show examples
than
job
satisfaction
. In my view,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
satisfaction
at work is
vital
Correct quantifier usage
more vital
show examples
than financial benefits. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will explain my view with
relevent
Correct your spelling
relevant
examples.
To begin
with, the proponents of immense
salary
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
vital than
job
satisfaction
argues that the financial
independancy
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independence
independency
require to survive in the modern world.
The people
Correct article usage
People
show examples
who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
job
satisfaction
without a decent
salary
might cause dissatisfaction in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
personal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
For example
, several creative people selected art as
profession
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a profession
show examples
for
job
satisfaction
.
As a result
, they end with serious financial issues and change their professions.
Furthermore
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decent remuneration will help you to build your own business which
make
Verb problem
will give
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you more
satisfaction
in the future.
However
, I
belive
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believe
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that the immense
salary
will not be
componsated
Correct your spelling
compensated
professional
satisfaction
.
On the other hand
,
job
satisfaction
is important to improve professionally and achieve professional goals. The
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
who work in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
suitable place and position will only provide the environment for professional growth.
For example
, a
research oriented
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research-oriented
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scientist working in
the
Correct article usage
a
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research lab related to his field of interest will help them to
fullfill
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fulfil
his dream. In contradict, he is working as
teacher
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a teacher
show examples
in the school might not
be help
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help
show examples
him to reach his goal. In
concusion
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conclusion
,
Although
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
decent
salary
is important for living,
job
satisfaction
is vital for professional development and achieving goals.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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coherence cohesion
The overall structure of your essay is recognizable, but it lacks a cohesive flow, with ideas jumping abruptly without clear transitions or connectors. To improve, ensure that each new idea logically follows the previous, using transitional phrases and summarizing sentences where necessary. Introduction and conclusion are present but could be more engaging and clearer in stating your thesis and summarizing the main points.
task achievement
Your essay meets the basic requirements of the task; however, it needs more development. Expand on your main points by elaborating on the reasons why job satisfaction could outweigh financial benefits. Introduce more precise and varied examples, and make a clear distinction between your opinion and the counter-argument. Ensure your position is clear throughout the essay and is reinforced in the conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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