«Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation» To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays many
artists
receive lot
of Change the article
a lot
money
by
their own talent they make themselves unique, Change preposition
from
while
others struggle
to lives
. I believe that these popular Wrong verb form
live
artists
has
Change the verb form
have
stand
up Change the verb form
stood
by
their Change preposition
for
hardwork
and focus in Correct your spelling
hard work
life
. I disagree with the statement of
Change preposition
that
government
should take steps to resolve Correct article usage
the government
this
unfair situation. It is a logical conclusion.
To commence with, the most obvious reasons is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
that
the skills of Correct word choice
apply
artists
and interest. Apart from
this
, Every people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
own
hidden talent in Correct pronoun usage
their own
life
these famous folks achieve success by focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
in
Change preposition
on
life
they also
struggle
from bottom to top then
they make this
empire. For example
,
Survey
was conducted Add an article
The survey
A survey
in
Change preposition
at
University
of Melbourne which was see 80% Correct article usage
the University
normal
Change preposition
of normal
people
don't find the
talent they Correct article usage
a
also
face difficult
Replace the word
difficulty
to choose
Change preposition
in choosing
right
path Add an article
the right
to
Change preposition
in
lives
rather 20% who Fix the agreement mistake
life
knows
their ability and strength of own Correct subject-verb agreement
know
then
they find straight
path and Add an article
the straight
a straight
they
become successful in their Correct pronoun usage
apply
lifes
. Correct your spelling
lives
As a result
,
Change preposition
of, congestion
congestion
of normal Correct article usage
the congestion
people
they struggle
to earn money
decent money
.
Secondly
, these people
have not taking
Change the verb form
taken
risk
in Fix the agreement mistake
risks
the
Change the word
their
life
and these Fix the agreement mistake
lives
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
has
not Verb problem
do
backup
plans Add a missing verb
have backup
of
Change preposition
for
Correct pronoun usage
their career
career
as well. Fix the agreement mistake
careers
Moreover
, lack of opportunities and skills they faced problems regarding competition and earn
Wrong verb form
earning
money
. For instance
, Forbes is
Unnecessary verb
apply
the
famous Correct article usage
a
magzine
was published Correct your spelling
magazine
article
Fix the agreement mistake
articles
of
Change preposition
about
who
have survived in their Correct pronoun usage
those who
life
of
no skills, wide Change preposition
with
option
of Fix the agreement mistake
options
career
, no financial education, Fix the agreement mistake
careers
they
only focus on Correct pronoun usage
apply
job
, and Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
no
involved Correct your spelling
not
different
types of activities which will Change preposition
in different
helps
to 1 to 6 figures incomes in the Change the verb form
help
life
. Therefore
, these humans only do spent
Wrong verb form
spend
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
9
-3 pm jobs after they have Change preposition
at 9
burden
from Add an article
a burden
office
and families to survive and become lethargic in Correct article usage
the office
life
then
they struggle
for long periods.
In conclusion, although
, modern artists
generated
5 figures Wrong verb form
generate
income
by their talents rather Change preposition
of income
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
struggle
in life
these people
don't take risk
and Fix the agreement mistake
risks
not
find any Add a missing verb
do not
the
ability.Correct article usage
apply
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure. It's important to present your ideas in an organized manner, with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, each main point, and the conclusion. Develop your paragraphs with specific reasons and clear transitions for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more developed. They should clearly state your position and succinctly summarize the main points made within the body of the essay. Avoid vague statements and ensure that the conclusion reflects the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
While you have attempted to support your main points, the supporting statements lack depth and specificity. Offer detailed reasons, evidence and examples that directly relate to and support your argument to strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Your response to the task needs significant improvement. Make sure you fully address all parts of the prompt, providing a balanced view where required. Clarify your position and ensure that each paragraph relates directly to the task at hand for a complete response.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat unclear and not comprehensive. Strive for clarity in your expression and ensure that each paragraph contains a single, well-defined idea with a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
Your essay lacks relevant and specific examples to illustrate and support your points effectively. Use examples that directly relate to the topic to give your essay strength and persuasiveness.
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