IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

«Some modern artists receive huge sums of money for the things they create, while others struggle to survive. Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation» To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays many
artists
Use synonyms
 receive
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of
money
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their own talent they make themselves unique,
while
Linking Words
 others
struggle
Use synonyms
 to
lives
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
. I believe that these popular
artists
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
stand
Change the verb form
stood
show examples
 up
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 and focus in
life
Use synonyms
. I disagree with the statement
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should take steps to resolve
this
Linking Words
 unfair situation. It is a logical conclusion. To commence with, the most obvious reasons
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the skills of
artists
Use synonyms
 and interest.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, Every
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 hidden talent in
life
Use synonyms
 these famous folks achieve success by
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 they
also
Linking Words
struggle
Use synonyms
 from bottom to top
then
Linking Words
 they make
this
Linking Words
 empire.
For example
Linking Words
,
Survey
Add an article
The survey
A survey
show examples
 was conducted
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of Melbourne which was see 80%
normal
Change preposition
of normal
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 don't find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 talent they
also
Linking Words
 face
difficult
Replace the word
difficulty
show examples
to choose
Change preposition
in choosing
show examples
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 path
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
 rather 20% who
knows
Correct subject-verb agreement
know
show examples
 their ability and strength of own
then
Linking Words
 they find
straight
Add an article
the straight
a straight
show examples
 path and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
become successful in their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
Change preposition
of, congestion
show examples
congestion
Correct article usage
the congestion
show examples
 of normal
people
Use synonyms
 they
struggle
Use synonyms
 to earn
money
Use synonyms
 decent
money
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, these
people
Use synonyms
 have not
taking
Change the verb form
taken
show examples
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and these
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
has
Verb problem
do
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 not
backup
Add a missing verb
have backup
show examples
 plans
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
their career
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career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 as well.
Moreover
Linking Words
, lack of opportunities and skills they faced problems regarding competition and
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
money
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Forbes
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 famous
magzine
Correct your spelling
magazine
 was published
article
Fix the agreement mistake
articles
show examples
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 have survived in their
life
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 no skills, wide
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
 of
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
, no financial education,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
only focus on
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, and
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 involved
different
Change preposition
in different
show examples
 types of activities which will
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 to 1 to 6 figures incomes in the
life
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these humans only
do spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
9
Change preposition
at 9
show examples
-3 pm jobs after they have
burden
Add an article
a burden
show examples
 from
office
Correct article usage
the office
show examples
 and families to survive and become lethargic in
life
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 they
struggle
Use synonyms
 for long periods. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
, modern
artists
Use synonyms
generated
Wrong verb form
generate
show examples
 5 figures
income
Change preposition
of income
show examples
 by their talents rather
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
struggle
Use synonyms
 in
life
Use synonyms
 these
people
Use synonyms
 don't take
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 and
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 find any
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ability.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure. It's important to present your ideas in an organized manner, with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, each main point, and the conclusion. Develop your paragraphs with specific reasons and clear transitions for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more developed. They should clearly state your position and succinctly summarize the main points made within the body of the essay. Avoid vague statements and ensure that the conclusion reflects the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
While you have attempted to support your main points, the supporting statements lack depth and specificity. Offer detailed reasons, evidence and examples that directly relate to and support your argument to strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Your response to the task needs significant improvement. Make sure you fully address all parts of the prompt, providing a balanced view where required. Clarify your position and ensure that each paragraph relates directly to the task at hand for a complete response.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat unclear and not comprehensive. Strive for clarity in your expression and ensure that each paragraph contains a single, well-defined idea with a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
Your essay lacks relevant and specific examples to illustrate and support your points effectively. Use examples that directly relate to the topic to give your essay strength and persuasiveness.
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