IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between two cities. other believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Governments in different countries are spending large
amount
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amounts
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 of
money
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 on developing new rail lines for speed trains between
two
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cities
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. But, some of society think spending
money
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 on developing existing public transportation should be a good thing to do. I consider that governments should view both sides. On the
one
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 hand, spending a large amount of
money
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 on developing railway lines for speed trains between the
two
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cities
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 is a good thing. Because, when they develop that it will make a good connection between different
cities
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 in the country and
also
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 public society will
use
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 to
use
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 communicate with every
cities
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people
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. For
an
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apply
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another example, After constructing
this
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, it will be easy for every
people
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 who are staying in the
cities
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. Because they can travel to another city quickly by speed train. From that, it will help to protect our air pollution because
people
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 do not need to
use
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 their vehicles to drive. They can
use
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 speed trains for their day-to-day life things.
On the other hand
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,
while
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 it is a good thing,
But
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spending
money
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 on improving existing public transportation is
also
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 a really important thing. Because air pollution is a very bad situation in the world. So for
this
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 problem, improving
this
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 is a really good thing. For
an
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example, if there are forty vehicles on
a
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apply
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one
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 road, it will be a very high traffic situation
due to
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 lots of vehicles. But if there is only
a
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apply
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one
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 bus, it not will be happened. Because all
people
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 can
use
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 that bus for their travel. From that, it will bring
two
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 advantages
such
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 as we can reduce vehicle traffic on the roads and can reduce air pollution.
To sum up
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, my opinion is governments should not only
use
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 their budgets on constructing new rail lines but
also
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 spend them on promoting current public transportation. Developing both is like killing
two
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 birds with
a
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apply
show examples
one
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 stone.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear progression of ideas. The logical sequence must be evident, with each paragraph flowing smoothly into the next. Ensure that your points are organized in a manner that makes it easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You did present an introduction and a conclusion, but they could have been more engaging and clearer in summarizing your main points and opinion. A strong introduction should clearly state the purpose of the essay, while the conclusion should effectively recapitulate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Even though you included examples to support your main points, the connection between them and your overarching argument wasn't always apparent. Make sure your examples directly back up your statements, strengthening your arguments.
task achievement
You managed to discuss both views on the topic, but your response wasn't completely developed. Expand your ideas further and ensure that you address all parts of the task with more depth and detail.
task achievement
Some of your ideas were clear, yet a number of them needed more comprehensive exposition and more persuasive argumentation. Improve by elaborating on your points and demonstrating a stronger understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Relevant examples were presented, but more specificity could enhance the effectiveness of your argument. Providing particular instances or factual data could greatly support your position and make a more compelling case.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • traffic congestion
  • environmentally friendly
  • stimulate regional development
  • carbon emissions
  • affordability
  • existing infrastructure
  • upgrading
  • reliable
  • inequality
  • public transport systems
  • commuting
  • high-speed trains
  • sustainability
  • decongesting
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