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Band 3

The maintainance of public libraries is a waste of money because of computer technologies that have the same function.

#maintainance #libraries #waste #money #computer #technologies #function
Public
libraries
 were seen as a
brainstrom
Correct your spelling
brainstorm
 of knowledge in previous days
whilist
Correct your spelling
while
the usage of
libraries
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 declining
due to
 new technological facilities. Some people
belive
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believe
show examples
 that renewing the
library
 is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
show examples
 of money.
However
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However,
show examples
 I totally disagree
the
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with the
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 view and explain my opinion in
this
 essay.
Firstly
,
libraries
 contain most of the old novels and literature
books
 which are
paper based
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paper-based
show examples
 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are not updated as softcopies. If
any
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anyone
show examples
one
Add a verb
one is
one was
show examples
 interested to read those
books
, they can go to the
library
 and
barrow
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borrow
show examples
books
instead
 of paying lots of money
for buying
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to buy
show examples
.
Therefore
, some money has to be allocated to maintain and preserve those
books
.
Lastly
,
any
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apply
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many people prefer to read
paper based
Add a hyphen
paper-based
show examples
 materials
such
 as articles, newspapers and
books
 rather than scrolling mobile
phonesand
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phones and
 computers.
In other
words
Add a comma
words,
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 individuals feel some difficulties
while
 reading
books
 or some students
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are encage
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encage
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engage
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 to study printed
books
 and papers
due to
eye sight
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eyesight
show examples
 pain and low concentration.
For example
, elders used to read printed versions to avoid these problems.
Moreover
, they have enough spare time to spend in
library
Add an article
the library
a library
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 as many of them have a
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
 of reading
books
as well as
news papers
Correct your spelling
newspapers
show examples
 in
library
Add an article
the library
show examples
. In conclusion, digital updation has huge benefits and
flexible
Add a missing verb
is flexible
show examples
 for humans, the
preference
Fix the agreement mistake
preferences
show examples
 of some people and the importance of old
books
 have a huge impact
for
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on
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 the
maintainance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 of public
libraries
 and it has to be preserved for future
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
.
Submitted by gaya002.nesa on

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Task Achievement
The essay somewhat addresses the prompt; however, it needs to concentrate more on direct responses to the task. The argument should be developed further with a clearer, more specific thesis statement and a stronger line of reasoning linking the importance of public libraries to their maintenance despite the advent of digital alternatives.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay is basic, with an introduction and conclusion, but the development of ideas within paragraphs is lacking and transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother to assist coherence. Additionally, pay attention to the exact task requirement which is the discussion of the impact of computer technologies on library relevancy, not just the overall importance of libraries.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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