Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is argued by some that
school
should prohibit their
students
to use
Change preposition
from using
show examples
mobile
phones
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
class,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
phone
usage
should not be banned at
school
. In my opinion,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
should allow their
students
to bring their mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
to
school
but with limited
usage
during class and allow for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
study
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
only. On the one hand, teachers who ban their
students
to use
Change preposition
from using
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
believe that
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
could break
students
' concentration and cause
crime
Replace the word
criminal
show examples
behaviours
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
students
. Popular
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications
show examples
such
as social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
and mobile games undoubtedly are the biggest distraction for
students
at
Change preposition
during
show examples
their study time, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
excessive
usage
of
these application
Change the determiner
this application
these applications
show examples
can lead to
phone
addiction.
Moreover
, owning the sophisticated and expensive
phone
models could impact to the envious among
students
and might result in criminal behaviour
such
as
phone
stole
Change the form of the verb
stolen
show examples
.
On the other hand
, people who are pro to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile
phone
usage
at
school
believe that
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
are important
tool
Fix the agreement mistake
tools
show examples
for
students
' communication.
Firstly
, parents may provide their children with mobile
phones
because
this
is the only way to communicate for both parents and the children as a daily need or even for an emergency condition.
Furthermore
,
due to
the advancement of technology,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
cultivate technology for the learning experience
such
as laptops and mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
.
Therefore
, the mobile
phone
could support the
students
like
Change preposition
by
show examples
browsing for additional
materias
Correct your spelling
material
or
discuss
Wrong verb form
discussing
show examples
school
subjects with their teachers and peers through group chat messages. In conclusion,
while
there are some debates
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
students
could use their
phones
at
school
or not, I still believe that using the
phones
wisely could support
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
activity at
school
and their learning process. Teachers should closely control their
students
while
using
phones
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
class to prevent the negative impact.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Ensure that you provide a more balanced overview in your introduction without directly providing your own opinion from the start. This will allow you to discuss both viewpoints more impartially before concluding with your own perspective.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively. Avoid overly simplistic conjunctions and strive for more complex grammatical structures to enhance the coherence of your arguments.
task achievement
While you have supplied general supporting arguments, your essay would benefit from the inclusion of specific, detailed examples to illustrate your points more effectively. Real-world examples or personal anecdotes could greatly strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
To enhance your essay's overall clarity and cohesion, consider organizing your paragraphs more effectively. Each paragraph should contain a clear topic sentence and subsequent sentences that expound on that topic, leading to a strong concluding sentence that ties back to the overall essay argument.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Concentration
  • Emergency communication
  • Digital literacy
  • Educational resources
  • Social development
  • Self-regulation
  • Enforcement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Technology access
  • Learning apps
  • Screen time
  • Peer interaction
  • School policy
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