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Band 5.5

Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #phones #school
In today's educational landscape, the issue of whether
students
 should be allowed to use mobile
phones
 during school hours sparks heated discussions.
While
 some advocate for a complete ban on
phones
 in classrooms, others believe that judicious
phone
usage
 can offer benefits.
This
 essay aligns with the perspective that responsible
phone
usage
 among
students
 can be advantageous when used appropriately. Educators in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of prohibiting
phones
 assert that these devices pose a considerable threat to
students
' concentration and may even encourage misconduct. The allure of social media platforms and gaming applications unquestionably diverts
students
' attention during crucial study periods, potentially fostering addictive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Moreover
, the presence of expensive smartphones might inadvertently breed jealousy among
students
, leading to theft or disruptive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
On the other hand
, supporters of allowing
phones
 at school highlight their utility as indispensable communication tools. For many families, mobile
phones
 serve as the primary means of staying connected, especially in emergencies.
Additionally
, schools increasingly integrate technology into the learning process, encouraging the use of mobile devices for accessing supplementary study materials and engaging in educational discussions through collaborative platforms. In conclusion,
while
 the debate surrounding mobile
phone
usage
 in schools persists, I firmly advocate for a balanced approach. When used appropriately, mobile
phones
 can augment
students
' learning experiences.
However
, it remains imperative for educators to vigilantly supervise
phone
usage
 in classrooms to mitigate any potential adverse effects.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task response
Ensure that your essay stays focused on the key issues raised by the topic without straying into unrelated areas.
task response
Present a clear argument and represent both sides of the issue before arriving at a conclusion. Although you have done this, including more specific examples relevant to the topic would enhance your task response score.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that paragraphs are well-structured and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. The use of appropriate linking phrases will help achieve cohesion.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, develop your main points further with more detailed and illustrative examples. This helps in creating a cohesive argument overall.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Distraction
  • Cyberbullying
  • Concentration
  • Emergency communication
  • Digital literacy
  • Educational resources
  • Social development
  • Self-regulation
  • Enforcement
  • Socioeconomic status
  • Technology access
  • Learning apps
  • Screen time
  • Peer interaction
  • School policy
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