It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, sending
criminals
to jail is alleged to not be the best choice. Instead
, other approaches such
as job training and education
are considered better options. Even though these actions
might be quite better at some points, I strongly opine they are not adequate.
Education
and job training are asserted to be a good way to help criminals
. Many individuals are of the opinion that jail and other punishments
are not efficient anymore and innovative methods must be introduced in order to make criminals
better people. For instance
, criminals
can be sent to diverse workshops in which they learn new skills to earn money, in this
way not only will they learn to use new skills to earn money, but also
they will avoid committing crimes
. Also
, education
might be essential to increase criminals
' awareness and teach them how their wrong attitude can have a negative impact on both themselves and other people's lives. Just consider thousands of juvenile criminals
, who have not been sent to school and owing to the lack of knowledge and self-esteem commit crimes
.
On the other hand
, avoiding sending criminals
to prison could have further
repercussions. Firstly
, some criminals
may continue committing crimes
regardless of the knowledge they obtained from workshops or educational classes, what this
often leads to is criminals
not taking these classes seriously and they may proceed with their previous actions
in the hope of never going to jail. Secondly
, for some crimes
such
as murder, soft punishments
are not enough and not only will soft punishments
increase the murder rate, but also
criminals
will not face any serious punishments
after committing them. In fact, for these sorts of crimes
, hard punishments
are required and super necessary.
In conclusion, despite the fact that education
and training jobs may be quite helpful for encouraging criminals
to stop their illegal actions
, these options will not always work and some criminals
can take advantage of these soft punishments
which can exacerbate their illegal behaviour. I, personally think criminals
ought to face the consequences of their actions
and must be sent to prison. However
, the governments can provide educational classes for prisoners such
that they can learn new skills.Submitted by Arman on
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coherence cohesion
It is important to present ideas in a clear and organized manner, ensuring that paragraphs are logically connected with adequate use of cohesive devices. Consider enhancing the logical structure of the essay by varying sentence structures and linking ideas more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more effective. Make sure your introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic and that your conclusion summarizes your main points succinctly.
coherence cohesion
While you did support your main points, strive to provide a more balanced argument with evenly developed points for and against the issue. This can strengthen the persuasive aspect of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that you answer all parts of the question, elaborating fully on how the advantages and disadvantages compare. This essay tends to focus more heavily on one side of the argument without sufficiently exploring the counter-argument.
task achievement
Aim for clarity and depth in your ideas. It is essential to express your thoughts comprehensively and avoid overly general statements. Include more developed explanations and analysis for the points you raise.
task achievement
Using specific examples to illustrate your points is good practice, and you managed to do this. However, try to integrate more varied and detailed examples to enforce your arguments.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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