It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives

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Nowadays, sending

criminals

Use synonyms

to jail is alleged to not be the best choice.

Instead

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, other approaches

such

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as job training and

education

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are considered better options. Even though these

actions

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might be quite better at some points, I strongly opine they are not adequate.

Education

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and job training are asserted to be a good way to help

criminals

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. Many individuals are of the opinion that jail and other

punishments

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are not efficient anymore and innovative methods must be introduced in order to make

criminals

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better people.

For instance

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criminals

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can be sent to diverse workshops in which they learn new skills to earn money, in

this

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way not only will they learn to use new skills to earn money, but

also

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they will avoid committing

crimes

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Also

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education

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might be essential to increase

criminals

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' awareness and teach them how their wrong attitude can have a negative impact on both themselves and other people's lives. Just consider thousands of juvenile

criminals

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, who have not been sent to school and owing to the lack of knowledge and self-esteem commit

crimes

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On the other hand

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, avoiding sending

criminals

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to prison could have

further

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repercussions.

Firstly

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, some

criminals

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may continue committing

crimes

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regardless of the knowledge they obtained from workshops or educational classes, what

this

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often leads to is

criminals

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not taking these classes seriously and they may proceed with their previous

actions

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in the hope of never going to jail.

Secondly

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, for some

crimes

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such

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as murder, soft

punishments

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are not enough and not only will soft

punishments

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increase the murder rate, but

also

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criminals

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will not face any serious

punishments

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after committing them. In fact, for these sorts of

crimes

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, hard

punishments

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are required and super necessary. In conclusion, despite the fact that

education

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and training jobs may be quite helpful for encouraging

criminals

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to stop their illegal

actions

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, these options will not always work and some

criminals

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can take advantage of these soft

punishments

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which can exacerbate their illegal behaviour. I, personally think

criminals

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ought to face the consequences of their

actions

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and must be sent to prison.

However

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, the governments can provide educational classes for prisoners

such

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that they can learn new skills.

Submitted by Arman on Sun Dec 31 2023

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coherence cohesion

It is important to present ideas in a clear and organized manner, ensuring that paragraphs are logically connected with adequate use of cohesive devices. Consider enhancing the logical structure of the essay by varying sentence structures and linking ideas more explicitly.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be more effective. Make sure your introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic and that your conclusion summarizes your main points succinctly.

coherence cohesion

While you did support your main points, strive to provide a more balanced argument with evenly developed points for and against the issue. This can strengthen the persuasive aspect of your essay.

task achievement

Ensure that you answer all parts of the question, elaborating fully on how the advantages and disadvantages compare. This essay tends to focus more heavily on one side of the argument without sufficiently exploring the counter-argument.

task achievement

Aim for clarity and depth in your ideas. It is essential to express your thoughts comprehensively and avoid overly general statements. Include more developed explanations and analysis for the points you raise.

task achievement

Using specific examples to illustrate your points is good practice, and you managed to do this. However, try to integrate more varied and detailed examples to enforce your arguments.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

363 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Opportunities
Growth
Innovation
Challenges
Self-discovery
Resilience
Uncertainty
Consequences
Calculated risks
Stagnation
Regret
Comfort zone
Entrepreneurship
Adventurous spirit
Thriving
Failure
Mitigate
Reap the rewards

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It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. Is it a positive or negative development?

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that schools should focus more on practical subjects, such as information technology and business skills, while others argue that traditional subjects, like history and literature, are still important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.