IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #attention
A group of individuals present the view that advertisers are highly accomplished in encouraging us to purchase what they tell us to,
whereas
 others argue that we are not influenced by
advertisements
 anymore. I strongly agree with the former opinion. Several
people
 are justifiably of the opinion that advertising is still a strong
way
 for factories in order to sway
people
 into purchasing their products. They believe producers have already understood the fact that old-fashioned advertising methods
such
 as TV commercial ads do not interest
people
 anymore,
thus
 they have other state-of-the-art ways to perform efficiently in advertising.
For instance
, in our modern time, creative studios and art directors take the responsibility of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
factory advertising and show
people
 what a certain product is capable of and the role it can play in
people
’s lives, differently. They even use social media or any other platforms that
people
 communicate through a lot these days to make advertising more interesting and attractive. A
further
 group of individuals claim that
people
 not only are not interested in
advertisements
 but
also
 know it as a
way
 to be defrauded by producers. They insist that factories may no longer be able to make
people
 trust them as they have not introduced their goods in a clear
way
 before.
However
, I do not find
this
 argument convincing as not all producers undertake
such
 defrauding methods to influence
people
. Some even utilize advertising to inform their customers about their sales or promotions and
as a result
, they benefit both themselves and
people
.
To conclude
, in my view, several creative methods in which
advertisements
 can be displayed make it still appealing to
people
 for opting what to buy.
Moreover
, the
way
advertisements
 can be used to relay information about cost reductions or offerings will make them look beneficial to
people
.
Submitted by mahtab.motevallian on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. You have included all three, but they could flow more smoothly. Consider using better transitional phrases to link your ideas coherently.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing your main points more thoroughly. You have made some assertions without sufficient evidence or examples to back them up. Always include relevant, specific examples to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt, and you provide both sides of the argument along with your own opinion, which is good. To achieve a higher band, your ideas need to be more fully extended and supported by stronger examples.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas further. Your essay shows a sufficient understanding of the topic but lacks depth in the explanation. Try to examine the underlying reasons behind your claims and explore the implications.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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