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Band 4

With the widespread use of interent , more and more peolpe choose to work from home. Do the advantage of this trend outwight the disadvantage?

#interent #peolpe #work #home #advantage #trend #outwight
The
Internet
 makes
peoples`
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people's
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 life more easy than in the previous centuries.
However
,
such
 as all other things,
Add an article
the
show examples
internet
 has its advantages,
as well as
 disadvantages, which are discussed in
this
 essay.
Internet
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The Internet
show examples
 enables
to
Correct pronoun usage
one to
show examples
work
 from almost every place where is
the the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
internet
 connection. It means public wifi networks or
for example
 private hotspots. It seems to be unimaginably convenient. Amazingly, the other perfect opportunity is almost unlimited access to all information within a few seconds.
This
 ability of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 presents the best acceleration of our
work
, without going through
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tons of books, papers and other information sources. In my opinion, the most important thing is
also
 the immediate contact with all people around the world and it creates our working space worldwide. Sadly, not only the perfect
characters
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characteristics
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 of
internet
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the internet
show examples
 are widely known , but
also
 the
backwards
Fix the agreement mistake
backward
show examples
 influence
our
Change preposition
on our
show examples
 lives
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
inevitably
Change the word
inevitable
show examples
 ways.
Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
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 takes
us
Correct your spelling
up
show examples
 most of
our
Change the word
the
show examples
 privacy we have. It is very simple to present some photos or data immediately on the network, regardless
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 consequences. It can our
work
 damage in a few moments. Our ideas could be stolen, and our
effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
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 could be destroyed. Maybe,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
data security is the most burning problem if we
work
 only connected to the network.
To conclude
, despite comprehensively known weak spots of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
, the
priviledge
Correct your spelling
privilege
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
connection to the world and resources
asscess
Correct your spelling
accessible
 from everywhere you want, will
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 all
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 issues we have to handle. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the protection of
internet
 nets will be improved and make our home
work
 more safe.
Submitted by jana.smalcova on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay shows some organization with a basic structure; however, it needs to enhance clarity and logic in the argument. To improve coherence, sequentially develop your ideas and transitions between sentences. A clearer topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to signal the main idea would aid the reader. Cohesion can be strengthened through the use of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, synonyms, and referencing words. On a micro level, work on sentence-level structures to ensure that they connect smoothly to each other.
task achievement
While you provided a response to the task, the essay lacks a fully developed position regarding the advantages and disadvantages of working from home. To achieve a higher score in task achievement, ensure you address all parts of the task by including more extensive and specific reasons, details, and examples. Each main point should be elaborated on adequately to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic. It's essential to expand on examples to support your arguments effectively and reflect a complete engagement with the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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