IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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There are two diverse opinions about whether
experts
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 should stay to
work
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 in their home
country
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 or immigrate and expand their careers in remote destinations. Both ideas are respected and have their own point of view
However
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,
i
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I
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 strongly agree with the second one. It is claimed that skilled workers
such
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 as architects and doctors ought to stay in their
country
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 and
work
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 there.
This
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 is largely
due to
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 the fact that each
country
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 needs
experts
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 in different fields
especially
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, especially
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 for its economic development. Just consider the massive budget authorities invest in educational purposes to train better students at universities. proficient workers staying in their
country
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 often leads to a better society being
filed
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filled
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 with expert employers.
On the other hand
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, some individuals claim that
experts
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 must be able to leave their
country
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 in search
for
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of
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 better job opportunities. The chief cause might be finding careers, offering more income in comparison with their home
country
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.
For example
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, some countries with good economies like the USA may offer skilled workers higher salaries, these well-paid jobs not only will enhance the employers’ lives, but
also
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 it will give them
a
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apply
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great satisfaction.
This
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 often leads to a big change and progress in professional people's lives that they would have never experienced back in their own
country
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. In conclusion,
Although
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experts
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 staying to
work
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 in their
country
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 might be beneficial in myriad aspects, people must be free enough to
work
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 in any place they like and consider their personal growth.
i
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I
show examples
 find the second idea more logical.

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coherence cohesion
In your essay, there is a noticeable lack of a structured logical flow which could make it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. Consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and making sure that each subsequent sentence builds logically on the one before it.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present in your essay, they lack a clear thesis statement and summarization of the main points, respectively. To improve, ensure that your introduction contains a thesis statement that reflects the questions posed and that your conclusion effectively summarizes the points discussed without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are not always adequately supported with specific details or examples. To enhance your essay, include relevant examples or data that directly support your arguments. This makes your claims more convincing and your essay more informative and interesting to read.
task achievement
Although the essay attempts to address the prompt, there is only a limited and basic response given to the question. You should further develop your ideas and present them more fully to meet the requirements of the task. Expanding on each viewpoint with further explanations and examples would add depth to your discussion.
task achievement
Your essay does include relevant ideas relating to the topic, however, the overall clarity and development of these ideas are incomplete. Work on presenting each idea clearly and concisely, and fully elaborate on them to ensure the reader can follow your thoughts from start to finish.
task achievement
The essay is lacking in specific examples that are directly relevant to the topic. Providing real-world examples or scenarios can significantly strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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