Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is becoming increasingly common for famous persons to be more known for their glamorous
life
and wealth than for their acquirement. Use synonyms
Although
I agree that Linking Words
this
situation negatively influences teenagers, I believe that in some circumstances, it can motivate youngsters to have a better Linking Words
life
.
On the one hand, Use synonyms
this
situation promotes a lavish Linking Words
life
for adolescents. Young people could become easily influenced by other people that they adoreUse synonyms
to
, Change preposition
apply
such
as Linking Words
celebrities
. Use synonyms
Thus
, if they were regularly exposed to entertainment content that shows how the superstars spend their money, they could easily imitate that habit. Linking Words
Therefore
, they will always demand luxurious things without concern for the benefits of the stuff and the worth of those things. The habit of purchasing expensive items without consideration will make them develop a manner of not valuing their money and the products themselves. To illustrate, they would buy a simple pair of shoes worth a thousand dollars without considering the money at all.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, the lifestyles of those Linking Words
celebrities
could be role models for youngsters since they usually want to experience the same living as their favourite stars. Use synonyms
Hence
, it could increase their sense of motivation to work harder in order to pursue that kind of Linking Words
life
. Use synonyms
Additionally
, even though some Linking Words
celebrities
are known for their fancy way of living, some of them have stories behind them on how they achieve today’s situation. These background stories are commonly shared on social media and, Use synonyms
therefore
, can be read by the public, especially teenagers who spend their time on the internet. By reading those, they will be stimulated to give their best effort because they believe that by working hard, they could gain what their Linking Words
celebrities
have.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
although
I agree that some Linking Words
celebrities
have an influence on adolescents by having wasteful habits, they can Use synonyms
also
set up an excellent model to pursue a better way of Linking Words
life
. Use synonyms
Thus
, I think that Linking Words
celebrities
’ glamorous lifestyles do not always have adverse effects.Use synonyms
Submitted by someonewhodwells on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, work is needed to ensure smoother transitions and better paragraphing to enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt with a clear position and conclusion. To improve, ensure that you extend and support your main ideas with more focused and detailed examples. Aim to fully develop each argument to meet the task response criteria more effectively.