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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is becoming increasingly common for famous persons to be more known for their glamorous
life
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 and wealth than for their acquirement.
Although
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 I agree that
this
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 situation negatively influences teenagers, I believe that in some circumstances, it can motivate youngsters to have a better
life
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. On the one hand,
this
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 situation promotes a lavish
life
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 for adolescents. Young people could become easily influenced by other people that they adore
to
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apply
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,
such
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 as
celebrities
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.
Thus
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, if they were regularly exposed to entertainment content that shows how the superstars spend their money, they could easily imitate that habit.
Therefore
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, they will always demand luxurious things without concern for the benefits of the stuff and the worth of those things. The habit of purchasing expensive items without consideration will make them develop a manner of not valuing their money and the products themselves. To illustrate, they would buy a simple pair of shoes worth a thousand dollars without considering the money at all.
On the other hand
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, the lifestyles of those
celebrities
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 could be role models for youngsters since they usually want to experience the same living as their favourite stars.
Hence
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, it could increase their sense of motivation to work harder in order to pursue that kind of
life
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.
Additionally
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, even though some
celebrities
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 are known for their fancy way of living, some of them have stories behind them on how they achieve today’s situation. These background stories are commonly shared on social media and,
therefore
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, can be read by the public, especially teenagers who spend their time on the internet. By reading those, they will be stimulated to give their best effort because they believe that by working hard, they could gain what their
celebrities
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 have. In conclusion,
although
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 I agree that some
celebrities
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 have an influence on adolescents by having wasteful habits, they can
also
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 set up an excellent model to pursue a better way of
life
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.
Thus
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, I think that
celebrities
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’ glamorous lifestyles do not always have adverse effects.

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coherence cohesion
You have provided a logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, work is needed to ensure smoother transitions and better paragraphing to enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt with a clear position and conclusion. To improve, ensure that you extend and support your main ideas with more focused and detailed examples. Aim to fully develop each argument to meet the task response criteria more effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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