IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The world's most common problem is caused by overpopulation. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #overpopulation
Population
 growth is the root cause of the most pressing issue on the globe. Because of
this
 increasing
population
,
food
 scarcity has started
to begin
, as has the increased demand for leavable space. I definitely agree with
this
 notion, and I will discuss it in the next paragraph. First of all, as the
population
 increases, it leads to shortages of
food
, water, and energy. These are the main requirements for humans.
However
,
with
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 large number of
people
 available,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has significantly affected the
food
 reserves, which need more water to grow
food
. But because of the
population
, a number of trees are destroyed to build accommodations for
people
.
For example
, a Times of India newspaper article states that the number of
people
 living there has increased as the
population
 has grown About 20% of trees are cut down to build homes.
Further
, overcrowding has an impact on the healthcare system.
On the other hand
,
as a result
 of overpopulation, economic consequences are starting to arise, like unemployment, which is the most common factor nowadays and is increasing day by day around the world. In every nation where overpopulation has caused problems,
these
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 raised the cost of living.
In addition
, with overcrowding, some social issues are rising, like the increased crime rate in cities and the fact that a lot of
people
 are starting to migrate because of unemployment in
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 country. In summary, even though the growing global
population
 has a big impact on the intangibles,
such
 as living space and consumables scarcity.
Also
, the
population
 is greatly affected by the environment and healthcare system.
Submitted by swapnilingale1155 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Improve clarity in the introduction and provide a clearer argument structure. Make sure to directly answer the question posed, making your position clear from the beginning.
task response
Develop paragraphs fully with specific supporting examples. Avoid general statements. Use more detailed evidence to back up claims and expand on their implications.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there is logical sequencing of ideas throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using cohesive devices appropriately and ensuring paragraphing is well managed.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea in different words. Instead, introduce new points or elaborate on the previous points in a more insightful manner.
coherence cohesion
Work on a more effective conclusion that doesn't just summarize but also reflects on the implications or provides a final thought on the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Population density
  • Sustainable
  • Resource depletion
  • Ecosystems
  • Urbanization
  • Demographic pressure
  • Infrastructure
  • Sanitation
  • Renewable resources
  • Biodiversity
  • Life expectancy
  • Fertility rate
  • Carbon footprint
  • Greenhouse gases
  • Emigration
  • Birth control
  • Global warming
  • Deforestation
  • Carbon emissions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: