The increasing housing problem in big cities has social consequences. Some people say that only government can solve this problem? To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In 2017, Caribbean
Island
significantly increased the growth of tourist visitors
since 2010. From the graph above, we can see that the escalations in the total of tourist visitors
are always happening each year. The graph above categorized two different kinds of graphics, the visitors
who stay on cruise
ships
and the visitors
who stay on the island
. The graphic of the visitors
who stayed on cruise
ships
showed that there was an increase from 2010 until 2011 of
the Change preposition
in
cruise
Correct quantifier usage
number of cruise
ships
stayed
. Unfortunately, in 2012, the graphic became weaker. It showed that the Wrong verb form
staying
number
of visitors
who stay on cruise
ships
decreased reached the number
once happened in 2010. But that is
the last
time the graphic went low. Afterwards, from 2012 up to 2017 the number
of visitors
who stayed on cruise
ships
increased and it showed that the graphic went higher reaching the number
of 2. The other category are
Change the verb form
is
visitors
who stay on the island
. From the graphic above it looks like this
category had more dynamic on the number
itself. There were
nothing happened between 2010 and 2011, which showed that the graphic was stagnant. Starting from 2011 up to 2013, the graphic Change the verb form
was
finally
had its increase achieving the number
of 1,5. Sadly, the graphic became stagnant again between 2013 and 2015. Nothing happened in those three years, that even led to the number
decreasing in 2016. And finally
, in 2017, the number
went slightly higher but never exceeded the 2015 statistics. What we can tell from those graphics and my description is that the Carribean Island
has significantly increased the number
of visitors
up to 3,5 from 2010 until 2017. Every year, most of the visitors
prefer to stay on cruise
ships
rather than on the island
.Submitted by talithanakhwah19 on
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task achievement
The essay seems to be a description of statistical data concerning tourism rather than addressing the IELTS topic given on housing problems in big cities and the government's role in solving them. Focus on directly answering the question posed by keeping your argument relevant to the topic throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains an attempt at providing structure through the description of a graph, but lacks the proper introduction and conclusion that are pertinent to IELTS writing tasks. Ensure the essay has a clear introduction that states the topic and your stance, followed by body paragraphs that support your main points and a conclusion that reiterates your stance and summarizes the essay.
coherence cohesion
The coherence of the essay was affected due to the lack of logical progression from one idea to another that relates to the given topic. Use cohesive devices appropriately and try to sequence your ideas logically, ensuring they pertain to the initial question about housing problems.
task achievement
The essay does not provide relevant examples regarding the impact of housing problems or potential solutions from the government. Develop your ideas fully with pertinent examples that are aligned with the issue at hand, which is the social consequences of housing problems in big cities. When giving examples, always link them back to the main topic to demonstrate their relevance.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.