The increasing housing problem in big cities has social consequences. Some people say that only government can solve this problem? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In 2017, Caribbean
Island
significantly increased the growth of tourist
visitors
since 2010. From the graph above, we can see that the escalations in the total of tourist
visitors
are always happening each year. The graph above categorized two different kinds of graphics, the
visitors
who stay on
cruise
ships
and the
visitors
who stay on the
island
. The graphic of the
visitors
who stayed on
cruise
ships
showed that there was an increase from 2010 until 2011
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
cruise
Correct quantifier usage
number of cruise
show examples
ships
stayed
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
. Unfortunately, in 2012, the graphic became weaker. It showed that the
number
of
visitors
who stay on
cruise
ships
decreased reached the
number
once happened in 2010. But
that is
the
last
time the graphic went low. Afterwards, from 2012 up to 2017 the
number
of
visitors
who stayed on
cruise
ships
increased and it showed that the graphic went higher reaching the
number
of 2. The other category
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
visitors
who stay on the
island
. From the graphic above it looks like
this
category had more dynamic on the
number
itself. There
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
nothing happened between 2010 and 2011, which showed that the graphic was stagnant. Starting from 2011 up to 2013, the graphic
finally
had its increase achieving the
number
of 1,5. Sadly, the graphic became stagnant again between 2013 and 2015. Nothing happened in those three years, that even led to the
number
decreasing in 2016. And
finally
, in 2017, the
number
went slightly higher but never exceeded the 2015 statistics. What we can tell from those graphics and my description is that the Carribean
Island
has significantly increased the
number
of
visitors
up to 3,5 from 2010 until 2017. Every year, most of the
visitors
prefer to stay on
cruise
ships
rather than on the
island
.
Submitted by talithanakhwah19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay seems to be a description of statistical data concerning tourism rather than addressing the IELTS topic given on housing problems in big cities and the government's role in solving them. Focus on directly answering the question posed by keeping your argument relevant to the topic throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains an attempt at providing structure through the description of a graph, but lacks the proper introduction and conclusion that are pertinent to IELTS writing tasks. Ensure the essay has a clear introduction that states the topic and your stance, followed by body paragraphs that support your main points and a conclusion that reiterates your stance and summarizes the essay.
coherence cohesion
The coherence of the essay was affected due to the lack of logical progression from one idea to another that relates to the given topic. Use cohesive devices appropriately and try to sequence your ideas logically, ensuring they pertain to the initial question about housing problems.
task achievement
The essay does not provide relevant examples regarding the impact of housing problems or potential solutions from the government. Develop your ideas fully with pertinent examples that are aligned with the issue at hand, which is the social consequences of housing problems in big cities. When giving examples, always link them back to the main topic to demonstrate their relevance.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing crisis
  • urban areas
  • affordable housing
  • low-income individuals
  • real estate market
  • price speculation
  • zoning regulations
  • urban sprawl
  • government intervention
  • government policies
  • private sector
  • social consequences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: