In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. What are the causes and how it could be solved?

In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
days, many youngsters tend to spend more
time
in their homes than spending their
time
in the outdoors.
Main
Add an article
The main
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reason for
this
can be the current technological expansion, which has been opening numerous indoor
activities
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers, and as a solution for
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
we can encourage them by using
same
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the same
show examples
technology to show them the natural part of the world. I accept the fact that, in
present
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the present
show examples
situation
Add a comma
situation,
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there are many kids
wanting
Wrong verb form
who want
show examples
to spend more
time
in their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
. Unlike
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
few decades children don’t have to find a playground to play with their peers they can just play video games with them without moving away from their comfort zone.
Also
, they don’t need to go out to hang out with their friends because they can just
face
Correct your spelling
FaceTime
show examples
time
with each other at
home
.
In addition
, there are
lot
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a lot
show examples
of new inventions to spend free
time
within
Change preposition
in
show examples
house
Correct article usage
the house
show examples
.
Likewise
, video games,
home
theatre systems and social media.
Due to
these
facts
Add a comma
facts,
show examples
many of them became lazy to leave their houses.
Nevertheless
, we can use the same thing to encourage them to find more outdoor
activities
.
For example
, there are many travel vloggers
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
social media showing
the
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apply
show examples
outdoor beauty and
the
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apply
show examples
activities
which can encourage more people to walk around.
Furthermore
, schools can lead their students to
the
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apply
show examples
sports like basketball, cricket and badminton so they can find more hobbies.
Moreover
, parents must
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
of
this
and they should engage
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
more outdoor
activities
with their kids.
For instance
, going on a road trip or camping with their
kinds
Correct your spelling
kids
show examples
can force them to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
in outdoor
activities
. In conclusion, development in technology opened numerous ways to spend the
down
Correct your spelling
downtime
show examples
time
at
home
. So many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kids nowadays spend more
time
inside of their houses. As a solution, we must show them the ways to spend
time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outdoors in different ways to encourage them.
Submitted by darshanadnj20 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has an adequate structure with a clear introduction and conclusion, however, the body paragraphs need to be more developed to fully support your main points. Aim to expand each point with detailed explanations or examples.
coherence cohesion
Although the essay has a logical progression of ideas, it's important to ensure the use of cohesive devices to better connect paragraphs and individual sentences. Consider varying your linking words and phrases to increase the clarity of relationships between ideas.
task achievement
You've provided a sufficient response to the task with a clear position, but your ideas could be more fully expanded. Incorporate a wider range of examples to illustrate your points, and ensure examples are specific and directly relevant to the question.
task achievement
Attempt to discuss all parts of the task evenly. This essay tends to focus more on the problem than the solution. Structuring your essay to dedicate equal consideration to both causes and solutions will strengthen your task achievement score.
task achievement
Carefully proofread your work to avoid grammatical errors which can hinder the clarity of your expression. Grammatical variety and accuracy are crucial for a higher band score. Consider reviewing fundamental grammar rules and practicing their correct usage.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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