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Band 5.5

Some people say that now is the best time in history to be living. What is your opinion about this? What other time in history would be interesting to live in?

#people #time #history
There is no denying the fact that nowadays is the best
time
 in life.
This
 will discuss my expression about
this
 topic and the variety of times in history it was fabulous to live in.
To begin
 with, there are many reasons make nowadays is the better in the world.
Firstly
, in my opinion, I agree with them we need to choose our
time
 is great.
In other words
, we have some features that make us a small town through the Internet.
In addition
, the Internet helps us to pass any information we want ,
as well as
, we note that air plans have assisted us to travel easily and excited life.
For example
, I made a decision to travel to the UK at the
time
 I booked my ticket and prepared myself to go all these so it did not take me more
time
. In terms of, there are many ways in other ages of history it has an amazing reputation as 16 DC. It is
also
 possible to say that some caged horses and people address’ females and males it was magnificent when we watched any episodes
This
 reminiscence makes us feel nostalgic.
Moreover
, at that
time
 the town as a family had great morale among them. And they have left together without a private life or a sensitive relationship.
For instance
, when the harvest have been coming they work together and help each other To finish
this
 they are cooperative people on the farm. In conclusion, there are many expressions and studies about these days and what is very crucial for our generation and it is
also
 true that other times in history could be amazing and great to live in.
Submitted by M on

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coherence cohesion
Improve overall logical structure by establishing a clear thesis, supporting ideas, and transitions between them. Your essay lacks a coherent flow and the segmentation of ideas isn't sharp.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that an introduction and a conclusion are included and that they clearly state the essay's thesis and summarise the main points. Your introduction and conclusion are present but not fully performing their roles.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points with specific explanations and examples. Your essay's ideas are vague and lack the necessary development for a higher score.
task achievement
Respond to all parts of the question thoroughly and ensure a complete and relevant response. Your current essay does not address the second question appropriately and lacks overall completion.
task achievement
Clearly organize your ideas and express them in a comprehensive manner. Use topic sentences to introduce paragraphs and make sure the argument follows logically with clear connections.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your points. The examples provided are insufficiently developed and in some cases irrelevant to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented
  • prosperity
  • technological advancements
  • global connectivity
  • longevity
  • opportunities
  • self-expression
  • renaissance
  • exploration
  • industrial revolution
  • roaring twenties
  • unparalleled
  • groundbreaking
  • transformative
  • revolutionary
  • epoch-making
  • flourished
  • transcended
  • innovations
  • distinguished
  • renaissance artists
  • explorers
  • innovative entrepreneurs
  • exhilarating
  • era
  • unforgettable
  • boom
  • vibrant
  • exuberant
  • transformed
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