IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

overpopulation in many major urban centers around teh world is a major problem. what are teh causes of this? how can this problem be solved?

#overpopulation #centers #teh #world
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In recent years, there has been a tremendous increase in the number of people concentrated in the major
cities
Use synonyms
 globally. One of the main reasons for
this
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 worrying trend is
due to
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 the fact that employment opportunities are commonly available within the big
cities
Use synonyms
.
However
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, there are readily available solutions to tackle
this
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 issue
such
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 as the
government
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 setting plans to encourage individuals to move to suburban areas.
To begin
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, there is an argument to be made that the population density is higher around urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
due to
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wide
Correct article usage
the wide
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 range of
work
Use synonyms
 opportunities.
For example
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,
according to
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 a survey in
Toronto
Correct article usage
the Toronto
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 regional area, more than two-thirds of the people
Use synonyms
work
Verb problem
apply
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who
work
Use synonyms
 in Toronto, come from local villages around the city.
For
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this
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 reason, it is evident that individuals tend to relocate closer
where
Change preposition
to where
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 they
work
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, which causes unequal distribution of population around the
cities
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. What is more, major
cities
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 have more developed services and infrastructure,
as a
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result
Add the comma(s)
result,
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provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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 all essential living
conditons
Correct your spelling
conditions
.
This
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 being the case, it can be assumed that if all
cities
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 were equally
accomodated
Correct your spelling
accommodated
 with necessary living requirements,
this
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 would reduce the overpopulation in major ones. In order to resolve
this
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 troubling issue, one viable solution would be for the
government
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 to start implementing new
stratgies
Correct your spelling
strategies
 to supply job seekers in smaller
cities
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 with enough working openings to meet their
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
.
For instance
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, in Jordan, the population density in the villages increased significantly by 30%
due to
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 increased job
availibility
Correct your spelling
availability
 in 2013.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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 the local authorities have the power to control
this
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 mass movement by ensuring
high
Correct article usage
a high
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employement
Correct your spelling
employment
unemployment
 rate in the smaller regions.
Furthermore
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,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 should start improving the living circumstances in these areas to achieve
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 quality of living across the
cities
Use synonyms
. With
this
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 in mind, there is no doubt that if the
government
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 works toward improving the
villages
Change noun form
village's
villages'
show examples
 conditions,
this
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 would prevent any
further
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 uncontrolled relocation to
ubran
Correct your spelling
urban
 areas.
To conclude
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, the overwhelming evidence seems to suggest that overpopulation in big
cities
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 is related to the huge size of
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
 market available there.
However
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, it is still possible to turn the tide by the
Use synonyms
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 action to offer equal opportunities and secure comfortable living conditions across different
cities
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ototonji.ot on

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task achievement
You have addressed the task with a clear position and the structure of the essay is generally logical. However, a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Further expansion and development of main points with a variety of complex structures, as well as a range of transition words, would enhance the logical flow and clarity of your argument.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure your ideas are fully developed and extended with detailed examples, including figures, studies or personal experiences.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure paragraphs are well-structured with a clear main idea at the beginning, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on the main point. Avoid grammar and spelling errors like 'work who work' and 'ubran' for professionalism and clarity.
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