overpopulation in many major urban centers around teh world is a major problem. what are teh causes of this? how can this problem be solved?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, there has been a tremendous increase in the number of people concentrated in the major
cities
globally. One of the main reasons for
this
worrying trend is
due to
the fact that employment opportunities are commonly available within the big
cities
.
However
, there are readily available solutions to tackle
this
issue
such
as the
government
setting plans to encourage individuals to move to suburban areas.
To begin
, there is an argument to be made that the population density is higher around urban
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
due to
wide
Correct article usage
the wide
show examples
range of
work
opportunities.
For example
,
according to
a survey in
Toronto
Correct article usage
the Toronto
show examples
regional area, more than two-thirds of the people
work
Verb problem
apply
show examples
who
work
in Toronto, come from local villages around the city.
For
this
reason, it is evident that individuals tend to relocate closer
where
Change preposition
to where
show examples
they
work
, which causes unequal distribution of population around the
cities
. What is more, major
cities
have more developed services and infrastructure,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
all essential living
conditons
Correct your spelling
conditions
.
This
being the case, it can be assumed that if all
cities
were equally
accomodated
Correct your spelling
accommodated
with necessary living requirements,
this
would reduce the overpopulation in major ones. In order to resolve
this
troubling issue, one viable solution would be for the
government
to start implementing new
stratgies
Correct your spelling
strategies
to supply job seekers in smaller
cities
with enough working openings to meet their
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
.
For instance
, in Jordan, the population density in the villages increased significantly by 30%
due to
increased job
availibility
Correct your spelling
availability
in 2013.
Therefore
,
it is clear that
the local authorities have the power to control
this
mass movement by ensuring
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
employement
Correct your spelling
employment
unemployment
rate in the smaller regions.
Furthermore
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should start improving the living circumstances in these areas to achieve
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
quality of living across the
cities
. With
this
in mind, there is no doubt that if the
government
works toward improving the
villages
Change noun form
village's
villages'
show examples
conditions,
this
would prevent any
further
uncontrolled relocation to
ubran
Correct your spelling
urban
areas.
To conclude
, the overwhelming evidence seems to suggest that overpopulation in big
cities
is related to the huge size of
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
market available there.
However
, it is still possible to turn the tide by the
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
action to offer equal opportunities and secure comfortable living conditions across different
cities
.
Submitted by ototonji.ot on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have addressed the task with a clear position and the structure of the essay is generally logical. However, a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Further expansion and development of main points with a variety of complex structures, as well as a range of transition words, would enhance the logical flow and clarity of your argument.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure your ideas are fully developed and extended with detailed examples, including figures, studies or personal experiences.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, ensure paragraphs are well-structured with a clear main idea at the beginning, followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on the main point. Avoid grammar and spelling errors like 'work who work' and 'ubran' for professionalism and clarity.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: