Some people think that children benefit from the TV and they should spend much time on it, but others support that children should not watch TV. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
In our
socitey
, many people argue that Correct your spelling
society
children
benefit from the televison
and they should give extra importance Correct your spelling
television
on
Change preposition
to
this
. But there is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
also
some opposite views which show that they(children
) ahould
not just rely on Correct your spelling
should
TV
. I totally agree and I belive
that juveniles ought Correct your spelling
believe
not
watch Add the word
not to
TV
.
On the one hand, it is important that children
should watch TV
. Beacuse
often Correct your spelling
Because
electronice
media provides very useful Correct your spelling
electronic
progammes
, by which any child could easily be benefitted. It helps them to enhance their mental Correct your spelling
programmes
abilty
and Correct your spelling
ability
also
useful for early Add a missing verb
is also
learnings
. Sometimes they learn so many things Fix the agreement mistake
learning
by
their own from Change preposition
on
these programme
and Change the determiner
this programme
these programmes
this
can easily be seen in their daily activites
. For Correct your spelling
activities
exmaple
, Correct your spelling
example
while
watching various kinds of cartoons, my brother learn
a lot of vocabulary. But that's not all the case we should consider. There Change the verb form
learns
is
still a lot of factors rater than watching videos all the time.
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
On the other hand
, children
can learn everything without watching TV
. In fact with the help of parents and supportive environments , they(children
) are able to aquire
every sort of knowledge they need. Correct your spelling
acquire
For instance
, in the past where
there were no modern facilities Correct word choice
when
cpamre
to now, we saw, that generations are much more intelligent and Correct your spelling
compared
had
a lot of good records in many fields than Wrong verb form
have
this
new technology era. As a result
, in the early develpment
stage juveniles should not watch Correct your spelling
development
Tv
.
Correct your spelling
TV
To conclude
, it is necessary that guardians should not let their children
to
watch Change the verb form
apply
televisons
, Correct your spelling
television
televisions
beacuse
it will hamper their mental development. Correct your spelling
because
Although
TV
can provide some advantages.Submitted by sahareatushar124 on
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task achievement
Your essay lacks a clear and nuanced argument that discusses both views equally before arriving at a personal conclusion. It is important to address both sides of the argument substantially to meet the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
There are several grammatical and spelling errors present in the essay, such as 'socitey' instead of 'society', 'electronice' instead of 'electronic', and 'cpamre' instead of 'compared'. Always proofread your work to catch such errors.
coherence cohesion
You should work on expanding your supporting main points with more focused explanations and relevant examples. The example with the brother learning vocabulary should be more developed to illustrate your point effectively.
task achievement
The essay lacks a full exploration of the topic by not discussing the other side convincingly. You should give more balance to both views by providing a more substantial argument for why some believe children should watch TV.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your conclusion summarizes the main points of the essay, reflects both sides of the argument, and clearly states your opinion. Avoid new arguments or information in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences contribute to that idea. Use appropriate linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs, making your essay more coherent and cohesive.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
