Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays,
museums
are very important to our society.It icludes
many different items.Correct your spelling
includes
Such
Animals,Birds,and old thinks
. Correct your spelling
things
Lot
of Change the article
A lot
museums
get for
Change preposition
apply
admission
while
others are
not pay.Verb problem
do
This
provides many benefits and brawbacks
, The Following paragraph will discuss.
On the one hand, If get Correct your spelling
drawbacks
charge
for Wrong verb form
charged
admission
to see Museums
, that
feel it is a value. so must Correct pronoun usage
they
will
use full. But If Remove a modal verb
apply
allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
free
, we do not use Change preposition
for free
good
. Because we think Fix the agreement mistake
goods
that is
free so
we will Correct word choice
apply
use
careless and Verb problem
be
do
not get respect . Unnecessary verb
apply
For example
, some museums
allow free
, Correct pronoun usage
it free
people
think it is local.Moreover
, Thesedays
,Correct your spelling
These days
people
respect money.so we will allow free, they do not feel that value.So museums
must charge admision
Correct your spelling
admission
fee
.That fee
help
to develop Change the form of the verb
helps
museum's
facilities.
Correct article usage
the museum's
On the other hand
, If get admission
Correct article usage
an admission
fee
, it will create some disadvantages.First,
People
who have money, That people
can go to museums
.Others can not see. In the country including many poor people
.so these types of people
worry about this
. For instance
, If get large amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
Change preposition
of admition
admition
fees, poor Correct your spelling
admission
people
's childrents
do not go Correct your spelling
children
children's
their
.Replace the word
there
Furthermore
, Only can see Museums
rich people
.
In conclusion, charge
for Correct article usage
the charge
admission
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
people
good and bad. Museums
and that
Correct determiner usage
the
administation
must Correct your spelling
administration
will
consider that and get Remove a modal verb
apply
small
amount for Add an article
a small
admission
.It is best
idea. Change the article
the best
after
this
will respect more people
and many people
will come to see it.Submitted by ajeevatharsan on
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task achievement
The essay attempts to address the topic, but it lacks a clear position throughout the response. It is advisable to state a clear thesis in the introduction and consistently maintain this position, accompanied by relevant supporting arguments.
coherence cohesion
The coherence is hindered by grammatical inaccuracies and poor punctuation, making it challenging to follow the argument. Consequently, the logical flow between ideas is disrupted. Improved sentence structure and use of linking expressions would benefit the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to ensure transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth. Establish clear main ideas at the beginning of each paragraph and develop them with supported arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarise the essay's main points. The introduction should introduce the topic and state the writer's opinion, while the conclusion should summarise the discussion and restate the opinion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples that are directly relevant to the argument being made. Such examples should be used to substantiate claims and enhance the persuasiveness of the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?