Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays,
museums
are very important to our society.It
icludes
Correct your spelling
includes
many different items.
Such
Animals,Birds,and old
thinks
Correct your spelling
things
show examples
.
Lot
Change the article
A lot
show examples
of
museums
get
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
admission
while
others
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
not pay.
This
provides many benefits and
brawbacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
, The Following paragraph will discuss. On the one hand, If get
charge
Wrong verb form
charged
show examples
for
admission
to see
Museums
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
feel it is a value. so must
will
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
use full. But If
allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
show examples
free
Change preposition
for free
show examples
, we do not use
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
show examples
. Because we think
that is
free
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we will
use
Verb problem
be
show examples
careless and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not get respect .
For example
, some
museums
allow
free
Correct pronoun usage
it free
show examples
,
people
think it is local.
Moreover
,
Thesedays
Correct your spelling
These days
,
people
respect money.so we will allow free, they do not feel that value.So
museums
must charge
admision
Correct your spelling
admission
fee
.That
fee
help
Change the form of the verb
helps
show examples
to develop
museum's
Correct article usage
the museum's
show examples
facilities.
On the other hand
, If get
admission
Correct article usage
an admission
show examples
fee
, it will create some disadvantages.
First,
People
who have money, That
people
can go to
museums
.Others can not see. In the country including many poor
people
.so these types of
people
worry about
this
.
For instance
, If get large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
Change preposition
of admition
show examples
admition
Correct your spelling
admission
fees, poor
people
's
childrents
Correct your spelling
children
children's
do not go
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
.
Furthermore
, Only can see
Museums
rich
people
. In conclusion,
charge
Correct article usage
the charge
show examples
for
admission
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
people
good and bad.
Museums
and
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
administation
Correct your spelling
administration
must
will
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
consider that and get
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
amount for
admission
.It is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
idea.
after
this
will respect more
people
and many
people
will come to see it.
Submitted by ajeevatharsan on

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task achievement
The essay attempts to address the topic, but it lacks a clear position throughout the response. It is advisable to state a clear thesis in the introduction and consistently maintain this position, accompanied by relevant supporting arguments.
coherence cohesion
The coherence is hindered by grammatical inaccuracies and poor punctuation, making it challenging to follow the argument. Consequently, the logical flow between ideas is disrupted. Improved sentence structure and use of linking expressions would benefit the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to ensure transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth. Establish clear main ideas at the beginning of each paragraph and develop them with supported arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarise the essay's main points. The introduction should introduce the topic and state the writer's opinion, while the conclusion should summarise the discussion and restate the opinion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples that are directly relevant to the argument being made. Such examples should be used to substantiate claims and enhance the persuasiveness of the essay.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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