IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays,
museums
Use synonyms
 are very important to our society.It
icludes
Correct your spelling
includes
 many different items.
Such
Linking Words
 Animals,Birds,and old
thinks
Correct your spelling
things
show examples
.
Lot
Change the article
A lot
show examples
 of
museums
Use synonyms
 get
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
admission
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not pay.
This
Linking Words
 provides many benefits and
brawbacks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
, The Following paragraph will discuss. On the one hand, If get
charge
Wrong verb form
charged
show examples
 for
admission
Use synonyms
 to see
Museums
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 feel it is a value. so must
will
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
use full. But If
allow
Wrong verb form
allowed
show examples
free
Change preposition
for free
show examples
, we do not use
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
show examples
. Because we think
that is
Linking Words
 free
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we will
use
Verb problem
be
show examples
 careless and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not get respect .
For example
Linking Words
, some
museums
Use synonyms
 allow
free
Correct pronoun usage
it free
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 think it is local.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Thesedays
Correct your spelling
These days
,
people
Use synonyms
 respect money.so we will allow free, they do not feel that value.So
museums
Use synonyms
 must charge
admision
Correct your spelling
admission
fee
Use synonyms
.That
fee
Use synonyms
help
Change the form of the verb
helps
show examples
 to develop
museum's
Correct article usage
the museum's
show examples
 facilities.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, If get
Use synonyms
admission
Correct article usage
an admission
show examples
fee
Use synonyms
, it will create some disadvantages.
First,
Linking Words
People
Use synonyms
 who have money, That
people
Use synonyms
 can go to
museums
Use synonyms
.Others can not see. In the country including many poor
people
Use synonyms
.so these types of
people
Use synonyms
 worry about
this
Linking Words
.
For instance
Linking Words
, If get large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
Change preposition
of admition
show examples
admition
Correct your spelling
admission
 fees, poor
people
Use synonyms
's
childrents
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 do not go
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Only can see
Museums
Use synonyms
 rich
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
charge
Correct article usage
the charge
show examples
 for
admission
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 good and bad.
Museums
Use synonyms
 and
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
administation
Correct your spelling
administration
 must
will
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
consider that and get
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
 amount for
admission
Use synonyms
.It is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 idea.
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 will respect more
people
Use synonyms
 and many
people
Use synonyms
 will come to see it.

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task achievement
The essay attempts to address the topic, but it lacks a clear position throughout the response. It is advisable to state a clear thesis in the introduction and consistently maintain this position, accompanied by relevant supporting arguments.
coherence cohesion
The coherence is hindered by grammatical inaccuracies and poor punctuation, making it challenging to follow the argument. Consequently, the logical flow between ideas is disrupted. Improved sentence structure and use of linking expressions would benefit the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to ensure transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smooth. Establish clear main ideas at the beginning of each paragraph and develop them with supported arguments and examples.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarise the essay's main points. The introduction should introduce the topic and state the writer's opinion, while the conclusion should summarise the discussion and restate the opinion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples that are directly relevant to the argument being made. Such examples should be used to substantiate claims and enhance the persuasiveness of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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