IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

1.An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies of shopping online?

#people #individuals #companies
Shopping online played an important part in
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
 life. We all see that
,
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apply
show examples
 more and more
people
 prefer shopping online than shopping at
store
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stores
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. The reason is
its
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it's
it is
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 convenient for
people
 who do not have a lot of time to get to the store or hate crowded. They just sit at home and search for
products
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they need with simple steps. Another advantage is that you can read
describe
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the description
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 or review of
other customer
Change the wording
another customer
other customers
show examples
 before you make a decision
buy
Fix the infinitive
to buy
show examples
 something. You can have a lot of benefits when you buy online because
selller
Correct your spelling
sellers
 sometimes will have some
discount
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discounts
show examples
 and
voucher
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vouchers
show examples
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cheaper price at
Add an article
the store
a store
show examples
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
 so you can save lots of money. Deliver service to your home and sometimes you do not need to pay for
this
 service. Seller
also
 has benefits
such
 as they can sell their
products
 to all
people
 around the world, they do not need to pay money
for
Change preposition
to
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 hire a place or investment. They
also
 can sell at flexible
time
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times
show examples
.
However
, there are some
disavantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 with
consumer
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consumers
show examples
. It
casuse
Correct your spelling
causes
people
buy
Fix the infinitive
to buy
show examples
 many
unnescessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 things that can waste lots of money. Another example is
people
 can not touch or feel the
products
 directly when
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 buy or the things
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 buy
not
Add a missing verb
are not
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 as
your
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
expectation
Replace the word
expect
show examples
.
Moreover
, the
products
 may be
damage
Wrong verb form
damaged
show examples
 when
deliver
Wrong verb form
delivered
show examples
 and you have to wait to ask
refund
Add an article
the refund
show examples
 or return
this
 product. With the seller, they can have
Add an article
the affect
an affect
show examples
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their loss
profits
Change preposition
of profits
show examples
 because some
people
 return
products
 without any
reasonable
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reason
show examples
. They really hard to gain more
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 again. They must compete with each other
seller
Fix the agreement mistake
sellers
show examples
 on price and quality of
products
.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear and consistent logical structure. Ideas should be organized into distinct paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea, supported by examples and followed by a conclusion that ties the points back to the question.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should clearly present the topic and summarize the main points of the essay. The conclusion was missing in the given response, and the introduction was not effectively paraphrased from the question.
task achievement
Ensure that all main points are developed with relevant examples. Some points were mentioned without adequate support or elaboration. Referring to specific examples will strengthen the argument and enhance the essay's task response.
task achievement
The task was only partly achieved. While the essay mentions advantages and disadvantages, the response requires development through more clear and comprehensive ideas that are directly related to the question.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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