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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
Today, the improvements in different technologies have changed the way people communicate.
Firstly
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, we will see that these changes have made the interactions much more virtual and superficial.
Secondly
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, we will talk about the benefits and the drawbacks of those aspects.
Body paragraph 1
With the growth of social media, the synergy has been much more virtual. Those who go out less frequently and talk much more behind the screen.
As a result
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, physical interactions have
consequently
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 been reducedconsequently reduce.
For example
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, a teenager who just wants to talk to his friend during the weekend will not be forced to go out. He would communicate through Snapchat. Communication became more superficial because , without seeing the person, it is harder to express feelings and emotions.
Body paragraph 2
As physical intercommunication has been reduced, a lot of drawbacks and advantages follow .
For instance
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, we may not know the person with whom we are talking , leading to dangerous situations because young children can talk to adults without knowing it.
On the other hand
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, it can allow them to meet others from other countries. It is sometimes the only way teenagers can make friends because they can feel anxious talking to people in real life.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, with the growth of technologies, communications have become much more superficial and less physical because those who talk through a screen and not in front of a person. It can lead to a critical situation where they can spread false information about their age. There are
also
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 benefits. People can reduce their social anxiety and can make new friends from different countries.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: you show how technology changes relationships, and you give both good and bad sides. However, make your main view clearer. Say if you think this change is mainly good or mainly bad, and explain why.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. For example, explain how online talk can make a friendship less deep, then show what this may cause in real life. Your point about children talking to adults online needs a clearer link to relationships.
task response
Use more exact examples. The Snapchat example is useful, but explain how it changes the friendship, not only how it stops a person from going out. You could also give an example of people keeping in touch with family in another country.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this simple plan, but make each paragraph focus on one clear idea.
coherence and cohesion
The first paragraph says what the essay will do: “Firstly, we will see...” This sounds like a plan for a talk. Instead, state your main ideas directly. For example: “Technology has made relationships easier to start online, but often less personal.”
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words such as “because”, “so”, “however”, and “for example”. Avoid repeating “consequently” and do not leave a word unfinished, as in “reducedconsequently reduce”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word choice or grammar. Write shorter sentences. For example: “People who stay at home more often may talk mainly through a screen. As a result, they may meet face to face less often.”
task response
You include both positive and negative effects, such as making friends in other countries and the risk of people hiding their real age.
task response
Your ideas are relevant to the question, especially online communication, social anxiety, and less face-to-face contact.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can follow the overall shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples to support your points, including teenagers using Snapchat and meeting people from other countries.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interact
  • Social media platforms
  • Networking
  • Instant messaging
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Misunderstandings
  • Emotional context
  • Superficial connections
  • Deceptive identities
  • Privacy concerns
  • Social skills
  • Video calls
  • Online presence
  • Digital communication
  • Cyber relationships
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