IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?

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It is argued that in our days, the communication and
relationship
Use synonyms
 between individuals has changed. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
this
Linking Words
 new type of interaction is positive and others think that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 negative. But
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will show why in my opinion it is a positive change. I believe that now communication that
people
Use synonyms
 make is easier, for many reasons thanks to smartphones and new applications which
also
Linking Words
 help
this
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 task. If we focus on the idea that
this
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 new type of
relationship
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 with smartphones
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
interact
Correct pronoun usage
us interact
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 with close
people
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.
That is
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 because you can communicate with them by message
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
or calls without the need to be with them in real life.
For example
Linking Words
, it is very helpful to communicate with them when they are
traveling
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travelling
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, talking to them by phone can help to meet them afterwards. So, new technology
make
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makes
show examples
 better
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relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with
friends
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 or family. On
smartphones
Add a comma
smartphones,
show examples
 there are applications that help to know new
people
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 and create new
friends
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. Sometimes in your
life
Add a comma
life,
show examples
 you want to make new
friends
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,
search
Correct word choice
and search
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 for a partner.
And
Correct word choice
That
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 why, there is social media that
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the objective
to increase
Change preposition
of increasing
show examples
 our
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relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 and
socialize
Wrong verb form
socialising
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 with new
people
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, we have Instagram, tinder,
Facebook
Correct word choice
and Facebook
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, and each of them
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 different goals.
This
Linking Words
 will help to see them
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 real life after having the first contact by phone.
To conclude
Linking Words
, new devices have changed
Use synonyms
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 but in a good way. They make better communication with
friends
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 or family and help to know new
people
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 without losing the essence of situ interactions. In brief, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 these changes are positive if used
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in the correct form.

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task achievement
The essay should begin with a clear introduction that paraphrases the question and indicates the direction of the argument. Avoid using phrases like 'But on this essay, I will show why in my opinion...' as it is too casual and lacks academic tone.
task achievement
Clarify your position throughout the essay. The reader should understand your view without any ambiguity. The use of more sophisticated language and expressions to present arguments would strengthen the essay.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points and arguments. While hypothetical examples can be useful, real-world or historical examples provide a stronger basis for your arguments and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Develop a clear essay structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, and the information within them should follow a logical sequence.
coherence cohesion
Cohesion can be improved through the use of linking phrases and transition words that connect ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of the essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are well-developed with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea followed by explanations, examples, and concluding sentences that link back to the essay's main argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interact
  • Social media platforms
  • Networking
  • Instant messaging
  • Face-to-face interaction
  • Misunderstandings
  • Emotional context
  • Superficial connections
  • Deceptive identities
  • Privacy concerns
  • Social skills
  • Video calls
  • Online presence
  • Digital communication
  • Cyber relationships
What to do next:
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