It is better for people to have a fixed work schedule than to have a flexible one. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In
this
digital era, people nowadays have the option to choose between defined
work
hours
or adjustable working
hours
.
This
has become possible with the advancement of technology and dramatically improved workers’ performance.
This
essay will delve deep into both points of view and substantiate the point of view that I agree with.
To begin
with, establishing operational
hours
could make employees increase productivity and maintain everything in order which generates more focus in the office. Following a routine brings about discipline in the way in which we do things.
Therefore
, they tend to complete their assignments on time.
However
, it could
also
lead to tardiness and absenteeism. To cite an example, a common occurrence, especially during inconveniences like bad weather and heavy traffic.
On the other hand
, with flex-time, workers can assign their jobs at any preferable time and place.
For instance
,
due to
the arising of COVID-19, the government formed a new office system called
work
from home.
Due to
this
newly settled policy, individuals can
work
at peak
hours
, where they hold more concentration
as well as
maximize their ability.
As a result
, in all companies worldwide, output and performance dramatically increased.
Moreover
, the workforce can spend more time with relatives because they mainly stay in their household. In a nutshell,
although
a determined duty schedule can make societies more disciplined and organized, home-based
work
is more efficient to boost folks'
work
rate
thus
Correct word choice
and thus
show examples
achieve better output.
Above all
, flexibility can help us to reach
work-life
Correct article usage
a work-life
show examples
balance situation.
Submitted by pnasywasina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You generally presented ideas in a logical sequence; however, the transition between them could be clearer. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains an introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, the conclusion requires a more definitive statement that reflects your opinion, rather than restating the points discussed. Make sure your conclusions accurately encapsulate your overall standpoint.
coherence cohesion
Main points are present, but they need to be developed further. Offer more in-depth analysis and detailed explanations of the arguments for both fixed and flexible work schedules. Back up your ideas with more compelling examples.
task achievement
The task is complete, yet the response could delve deeper into the discussion of both views. When giving your opinion, clarify why you believe one is superior over the other with specific reasons and expand on these points to demonstrate a full understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The essay touches on clear ideas; however, the development of these concepts is superficial. Offer a more comprehensive analysis by exploring the implications and consequences of each work schedule to enhance your argument's clarity and depth.
task achievement
The examples employed are relevant but too general. You need to include more specific, detailed, and relevant examples to substantiate your points. These will not only illustrate your argument but also increase the persuasiveness of your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: