Some people believe that new technologies like mobiles kills social interaction . Do you agree or disagree ?
There is no denying the fact that
technology
plays a crucial role in improving our lives. While
It is a commonly held belief that social interaction has been killed because of the new technologies, there is also
an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that I totally agree that our social interaction is dangerous due to
technology
.
To begin
with, the new generation of technology
has features and apps such
as Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook that attract people
to spend most of their time using it. In other words
, the new apps are designed to increase accessibility in finding people
who have the same interests to sit together.
In addition
, a lot of studies showed that there is a link between using mobile and issues in social behaviours. For example
, the result of the study conducted by PSAU students illustrated 95
% of Correct word choice
that 95
people
who spend their time in
Change preposition
on
technology
in general, have a significant problem in their social life.
Another point to consider,
is the new technologies made a lack of face-to-face communication. It is Remove the comma
apply
also
possible to say that our meetings as family or friends decreased through the years because we see that enough to call or message rather than meeting
each other in person. Wrong verb form
meet
Moreover
, the presence of mobile in our meeting means there is a distraction going to happen during the meeting. For instance
, due to
all the platforms and our business on mobile, we will definitely receive a message or a special notification that will incurpet the meeting.
In conclusion, despite people
having different views, I believe that technology
decreases our social level socially and I suggest setting a strict regulation for ourselves in using mobile to be safe and close to our people
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coherence cohesion
Your essay does indeed follow a basic logical structure, but it's evident that the sequencing of ideas could be improved for enhanced clarity. Transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs are lacking, disrupting the flow of information. Sentences within paragraphs don't always follow naturally from one to the next, and this can be disorienting for the reader. To improve, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences that expand on the topic coherently. Employ a range of linking words and phrases to ensure paragraphs and ideas connect more smoothly. This will greatly enhance the coherence and cohesion of your writing.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by agreeing with the statement and providing reasons for your opinion; however, your response lacks development in places. The ideas introduced are relevant but require more depth and detail for a higher band score. When presenting arguments, it's important not only to assert points but also to substantiate them comprehensively. To achieve this, include more detailed and developed examples, and elaborate further on points made. Additionally, you can enrich your task response by addressing potential counterarguments and refuting them, thus showing a more sophisticated understanding of the issue at hand.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.