many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Sugar
Use synonyms
is a major ingredient of numerous food and drink
products
Use synonyms
which if used at a high level, would bring about inevitable health issues.
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
the cost of these kinds of
products
Use synonyms
should be increased. I'm afraid I have to disagree with
this
Linking Words
statement, as I believe that more effective solutions exist to tackle
this
Linking Words
problem and
people
Use synonyms
can distinguish which
foods
Use synonyms
are good and adverse. There is no need to increase the sugary
products
Use synonyms
' price. These days, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
in nations know about the detrimental impacts of these
products
Use synonyms
, and in my opinion, it is a personal decision for everyone to what extent have consumed
foods
Use synonyms
and drinks with a high amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most kids are keen on eating these
products
Use synonyms
and
according to
Linking Words
many investigations, the brain needs to gain a great amount of
sugar
Use synonyms
in
this
Linking Words
phase of life to grow well.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
foods
Use synonyms
should be affordable for all families with different ranges of income.
Consequently
Linking Words
, making high-calorie
products
Use synonyms
expensive not only wouldn't be practical but
also
Linking Words
cause poor
people
Use synonyms
to be unable to meet their children's necessities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a myriad of influential actions can be taken to address
this
Linking Words
problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
, advertisement is a powerful method in order to draw
people
Use synonyms
's attention and stimulate them by representing the benefits and drawbacks.
Hence
Linking Words
, the government could invest in advertising to foster less consumption of
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, launching an awareness campaign that focuses on the emergence of a variety of diseases associated with the intake of excessive
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, several programs can be implemented to improve the availability of low-calorie
foods
Use synonyms
and beverages at home.
such
Linking Words
as delivering bottled water and diet drinks. In conclusion, I find putting up the cost of sugary
products
Use synonyms
impractical as individuals
entitle
Wrong verb form
are entitled
show examples
to choose their own lifestyle and
sugar
Use synonyms
is essential for the health of youngsters. Some strategies like adverts and founding campaigns can be beneficial to reduce the usage of
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kmibehnaz98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea with clearly presented arguments, and make sure transitions between paragraphs are smoother.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present, they may benefit from clearer thesis statements and summary sentences that encapsulate your argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with more developed examples, ensuring each point is thoroughly explained with evidence or reasoning where needed.
task achievement
Fully address all aspects of the prompt and maintain a clear position throughout the response. Try to cover all parts of the question without introducing irrelevant information.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas further to ensure that your argument is compelling and comprehensive. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea with supporting details.
task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples to strengthen the main points. Examples should be well-chosen to effectively illustrate and reinforce your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: