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Band 6

many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
Sugar
 is a major ingredient of numerous food and drink
products
 which if used at a high level, would bring about inevitable health issues.
due to
this
 the cost of these kinds of
products
 should be increased. I'm afraid I have to disagree with
this
 statement, as I believe that more effective solutions exist to tackle
this
 problem and
people
 can distinguish which
foods
 are good and adverse. There is no need to increase the sugary
products
' price. These days, the majority of
people
 in nations know about the detrimental impacts of these
products
, and in my opinion, it is a personal decision for everyone to what extent have consumed
foods
 and drinks with a high amount of
sugar
.
Moreover
, most kids are keen on eating these
products
 and
according to
 many investigations, the brain needs to gain a great amount of
sugar
 in
this
 phase of life to grow well.
Therefore
,
such
foods
 should be affordable for all families with different ranges of income.
Consequently
, making high-calorie
products
 expensive not only wouldn't be practical but
also
 cause poor
people
 to be unable to meet their children's necessities.
Furthermore
, a myriad of influential actions can be taken to address
this
 problem.
Firstly
, advertisement is a powerful method in order to draw
people
's attention and stimulate them by representing the benefits and drawbacks.
Hence
, the government could invest in advertising to foster less consumption of
sugar
.
Secondly
, launching an awareness campaign that focuses on the emergence of a variety of diseases associated with the intake of excessive
sugar
.
Finally
, several programs can be implemented to improve the availability of low-calorie
foods
 and beverages at home.
such
 as delivering bottled water and diet drinks. In conclusion, I find putting up the cost of sugary
products
 impractical as individuals
entitle
Wrong verb form
are entitled
show examples
 to choose their own lifestyle and
sugar
 is essential for the health of youngsters. Some strategies like adverts and founding campaigns can be beneficial to reduce the usage of
sugar
.
Submitted by kmibehnaz98 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Support main points with more developed examples, ensuring each point is thoroughly explained with evidence or reasoning where needed.
task achievement
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task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples to strengthen the main points. Examples should be well-chosen to effectively illustrate and reinforce your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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