IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that money is the only indicator of a business’s success, while others believe that success can be based on other factors. Is money a true indicator of success? What other criteria are there to measure the success of a business?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Several people believe that
Use synonyms
business’s
Correct article usage
a business’s
show examples
success
Use synonyms
 is only indicated by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
 think that achievement can be dependent on other categories.As I
see
Correct pronoun usage
see it
show examples
,
money
Use synonyms
 is a true indicator of
business
Use synonyms
success
Use synonyms
, but there are many other criteria, including
popularity
Use synonyms
 and
customer
Use synonyms
loyalty
Use synonyms
. The amount of
money
Use synonyms
 can clearly indicate how successful a
business
Use synonyms
 is.First of all,the purpose of a
business
Use synonyms
 is to make
money
Use synonyms
.These are used to make profits to maintain and improve
business
Use synonyms
 and company.If they can not make
money
Use synonyms
,there will be
not any
Rephrase
no
show examples
 sustainable
business
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 purpose can compete with other companies in some fields for society and finance
grow up
Verb problem
growth
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,revenue is very important to any
business
Use synonyms
 because
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 can
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
show examples
 on socioeconomic needs or
invest
Replace the word
investment
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,several big companies
such
Linking Words
 as Apple or Google
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 very successful because these serve the people’s
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
 and people use these
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 them always necessary and developed.
Besides
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
,
popularity
Use synonyms
 and
customer
Use synonyms
loyalty
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 important
success
Use synonyms
 indicators.
Popularity
Use synonyms
 may be the best factor for the enterprise’s development because a
business
Use synonyms
 is only successful if many people know about it.concerns use
popularity
Use synonyms
 to popularize goods and advertise products,which are the main income of nearly all enterprises.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
customer
Use synonyms
loyalty
Use synonyms
 is
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 vital aim of companies.A
business
Use synonyms
 is successful if its customers always come back,which
Add a missing verb
is base
show examples
base
Replace the word
based
show examples
 on the product’s quality and effect.
For instance
Linking Words
,there are some
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
that is
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 small but it is still popular and customers trust
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 because of the good quality and the
profession
Replace the word
professionalism
show examples
 they give customers. In conclusion,
money
Use synonyms
 is a true display of
business
Use synonyms
success
Use synonyms
, but there are many other factors like
popularity
Use synonyms
 or
customer
Use synonyms
loyalty
Use synonyms
.The enterprises will be more developed if they have
money
Use synonyms
 and other features.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is developed coherently. Use appropriate paragraphing to structure your essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on formulating your introduction and conclusion more clearly. Both should effectively frame the essay, with the introduction outlining the main argument and the conclusion summarizing the key points.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with relevant examples and explanations. Where possible, use specific evidence or case studies to illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure your essay fully responds to all parts of the prompt. Address both sides of the argument if required and ensure your own opinion is clear and well-supported.
task achievement
Write comprehensive ideas that are well-developed and clearly communicate your arguments. Avoid being overly simplistic or vague in your explanations.
task achievement
Use specific examples that are directly relevant to your argument. Avoid generic or unclear examples that do not solidly support your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: