IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that money is the only indicator of a business’s success, while others believe that success can be based on other factors. Is money a true indicator of success? What other criteria are there to measure the success of a business?

#people #money #indicator #business’s #success #factors #criteria #measure #business
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Several people believe that
Use synonyms
business’s
Correct article usage
a business’s
show examples
success
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 is only indicated by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
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,
others
Correct word choice
while others
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 think that achievement can be dependent on other categories.As I
see
Correct pronoun usage
see it
show examples
,
money
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 is a true indicator of
business
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success
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, but there are many other criteria, including
popularity
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 and
customer
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loyalty
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. The amount of
money
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 can clearly indicate how successful a
business
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 is.First of all,the purpose of a
business
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 is to make
money
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.These are used to make profits to maintain and improve
business
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 and company.If they can not make
money
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,there will be
not any
Rephrase
no
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 sustainable
business
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.
Therefore
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,
this
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 purpose can compete with other companies in some fields for society and finance
grow up
Verb problem
growth
show examples
.
Secondly
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,revenue is very important to any
business
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 because
this
Linking Words
money
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 can
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
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 on socioeconomic needs or
invest
Replace the word
investment
show examples
.
For example
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,several big companies
such
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 as Apple or Google
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 very successful because these serve the people’s
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
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 and people use these
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
make
Wrong verb form
making
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 them always necessary and developed.
Besides
Linking Words
money
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,
popularity
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 and
customer
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loyalty
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 are
also
Linking Words
 important
success
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 indicators.
Popularity
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 may be the best factor for the enterprise’s development because a
business
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 is only successful if many people know about it.concerns use
popularity
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 to popularize goods and advertise products,which are the main income of nearly all enterprises.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
customer
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loyalty
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 is
other
Change the wording
another
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 vital aim of companies.A
business
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 is successful if its customers always come back,which
Add a missing verb
is base
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base
Replace the word
based
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 on the product’s quality and effect.
For instance
Linking Words
,there are some
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
that is
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 small but it is still popular and customers trust
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 because of the good quality and the
profession
Replace the word
professionalism
show examples
 they give customers. In conclusion,
money
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 is a true display of
business
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success
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, but there are many other factors like
popularity
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 or
customer
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loyalty
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.The enterprises will be more developed if they have
money
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 and other features.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that this idea is developed coherently. Use appropriate paragraphing to structure your essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Work on formulating your introduction and conclusion more clearly. Both should effectively frame the essay, with the introduction outlining the main argument and the conclusion summarizing the key points.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with relevant examples and explanations. Where possible, use specific evidence or case studies to illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure your essay fully responds to all parts of the prompt. Address both sides of the argument if required and ensure your own opinion is clear and well-supported.
task achievement
Write comprehensive ideas that are well-developed and clearly communicate your arguments. Avoid being overly simplistic or vague in your explanations.
task achievement
Use specific examples that are directly relevant to your argument. Avoid generic or unclear examples that do not solidly support your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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