Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, government should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #music #quality #government #money #projects

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Recent times have, no doubt, witnessed an emergence in the activities related to Music and art. A commonly held view is that vast amounts of money should not be invested in these artistic things since they have limited direct effects of improvement on the population. I,

nevertheless

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, do not disapprove of

this

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statement entirely and will explain both sides in the upcoming paragraphs. Reasons for governments to refrain from spending money on artwork can be many; the most significant one is to enhance the healthcare facilities which are greatly required all across the globe, which eventually raise the quality and lifestyle of folks. To be clear, more than 50 % of residents of several developing nations

such

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as India, Vietnam and so on, keep suffering from acute illnesses because of the expensive treatments and lesser free services provided in the medical fields,

for instance

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Therefore

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, rather than utilizing the funds on nonessential things, authorities must prioritize citizens's health first. Supporting artists, on the other side, is a crucial component as well. Teenagers or adults, having either poor academic intellect or a profound potential for pursuing a career in craft or music, seek government assistance to unleash their untapped talents in

such

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sectors. Not only

this

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, the group assists in raising the country's economy as well by paying taxes and bringing their earnings to their homelands through their performances all around.

In addition

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, Art in various forms is therapeutic for the mind and

thus

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, relieves one's anxiety and stress,

consequently

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improving one's performance. To recapitulate,

although

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music and paintings are relaxing and have numerous benefits for people, more investments should always be made in other prominent projects.

Submitted by asr.rajni2001 on Tue Jan 02 2024

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introduction conclusion present

Your introduction and conclusion are present and offer a glimpse into your position on the topic, which is a positive aspect of your essay. However, it's important to restate your position more clearly in the conclusion for added impact.

logical structure

You have attempted to organize your ideas logically, but the transitions between them can be further improved. Aim to use a wider range of cohesive devices to provide a clearer link between your points.

supported main points

The main points are somewhat supported, yet they require further development. Consider extending your examples with more specifics and elaboration to underpin your arguments better.

complete response

In terms of task response, your essay addresses the prompt. However, to enhance it, ensure that your ideas are well-developed and fully respond to all parts of the task. Aim for a more balanced discussion between opposing viewpoints with clear arguments for each.

clear comprehensive ideas

Your ideas are generally clear but occasionally might benefit from more precise and varied language to express nuances and depth.

relevant specific examples

While some examples are provided, they lack specificity and relevance to strongly back your points. Incorporate more detailed and directly relevant examples to fortify your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

276 words

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Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, government should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

nowadays, people are purchasing too many unnecessary goods. how it influences individuals and society? is it a negative or positive development?

Despite the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen, pencil or brush. What are the reasons for this? Is the decline in writing by hand a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think is a positive or a negative development?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations.