IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, government should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #music #quality #government #money #projects
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Owing to the variety of knowledge, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that not all of them are important and there is an infamous perspective that arts is not important. I do not agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement,
although
Linking Words
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 may not be the best career that
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 a fortune, it can emphasize not only the quality of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 human well-being. One justification given is
art
Use synonyms
 plays a fundamental role as
people
Use synonyms
 are able to express their thoughts, emotions, and feelings in their work. It
also
Linking Words
 can help in promoting their creativity and imagination in order to grow into dynamic, and in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 it becomes a therapy for mental health
survivor
Fix the agreement mistake
survivors
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, there is a medical method for bipolar disorder patients, which they should create a painting whenever they feel
big
Correct article usage
a big
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 pressure of emotions.
Thus
Linking Words
, practicing
art
Use synonyms
 has
direct
Correct article usage
a direct
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 effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 self-development and self-healing. Personally, I
also
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 believe that the government should
establishes
Change the verb form
establish
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 more artistic projects either for entertainment or health
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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. A
further
Linking Words
 reason to maintain the existence of
art
Use synonyms
 activities is
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 could develop
creativity
Replace the word
creative
show examples
 thinking and widen
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
linguistic capabilities. For some
people
Use synonyms
,
art
Use synonyms
 is a
media
Replace the word
medium
show examples
 to communicate and to
conver
Correct your spelling
converge
 meaning through pictures, melodies, and symbols. Heal The World by Michael Jackson,
for instance
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, has
a meaningful messages
Correct the article-noun agreement
a meaningful message
meaningful messages
show examples
 for
people
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 around the world to start
give
Verb problem
paying
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 attention
for
Change preposition
to
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 humanity, especially war, at that time.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the song
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 only entertaining but
also
Linking Words
educating
Wrong verb form
educates
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
art
Use synonyms
 certainly helps us develop our health both mentally and physically. It should be supported by the governments as it plays an important role
to deliver
Change preposition
in delivering
show examples
 messages, which beneficial for nations. I
am firmly disagree
Change the verb form
firmly disagree
show examples
 with the statement of removing
art
Use synonyms
 from the regulations.
Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay generally follows a logical structure but there are areas where arguments could be better connected and transitions between ideas could be smoother. Ensure each paragraph flows logically to the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and are generally clear. However, both could be strengthened. The thesis statement could be more explicit in the introduction, and the conclusion could better summarize the main arguments of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally supported with explanations or examples, but sometimes the link between the point and the example or explanation isn't as clear as it could be. Try to make these connections more explicit.
task achievement
The essay provides a response to the task prompt, but the response could be more fully developed with a wider range of ideas and examples.
task achievement
While ideas are relatively clear, there may be moments where the essay's points are not fully comprehensible due to language or structural issues. Aim for clarity in each sentence and paragraph.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant, but they could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the argument. Use a variety of detailed examples to support each point made.
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