Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, government should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?
Owing to the variety of knowledge, some
people
argue that not all of them are important and there is an infamous perspective that arts is not important. I do not agree with this
statement, although
arts
may not be the best career that Correct article usage
the arts
give
a fortune, it can emphasize not only the quality of Change the verb form
gives
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
human well-being.
One justification given is art
plays a fundamental role as people
are able to express their thoughts, emotions, and feelings in their work. It also
can help in promoting their creativity and imagination in order to grow into dynamic, and in some cases
it becomes a therapy for mental health Add a comma
cases,
survivor
. Fix the agreement mistake
survivors
For example
, there is a medical method for bipolar disorder patients, which they should create a painting whenever they feel big
pressure of emotions. Correct article usage
a big
Thus
, practicing art
has direct
effect Correct article usage
a direct
for
self-development and self-healing.
Personally, I Change preposition
on
also
believe that the government should establishes
more artistic projects either for entertainment or health Change the verb form
establish
purpose
. A Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
further
reason to maintain the existence of art
activities is it
could develop Correct pronoun usage
they
creativity
thinking and widen Replace the word
creative
the
linguistic capabilities. For some Correct article usage
apply
people
, art
is a media
to communicate and to Replace the word
medium
conver
meaning through pictures, melodies, and symbols. Heal The World by Michael Jackson, Correct your spelling
converge
for instance
, has a meaningful messages
for Correct the article-noun agreement
a meaningful message
meaningful messages
people
around the world to start give
attention Verb problem
paying
for
humanity, especially war, at that time. Change preposition
to
Consequently
, the song not
only entertaining but Add a missing verb
is not
also
educating
Wrong verb form
educates
people
.
In conclusion, art
certainly helps us develop our health both mentally and physically. It should be supported by the governments as it plays an important role to deliver
messages, which beneficial for nations. I Change preposition
in delivering
am firmly disagree
with the statement of removing Change the verb form
firmly disagree
art
from the regulations.Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on
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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and are generally clear. However, both could be strengthened. The thesis statement could be more explicit in the introduction, and the conclusion could better summarize the main arguments of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally supported with explanations or examples, but sometimes the link between the point and the example or explanation isn't as clear as it could be. Try to make these connections more explicit.
task achievement
The essay provides a response to the task prompt, but the response could be more fully developed with a wider range of ideas and examples.
task achievement
While ideas are relatively clear, there may be moments where the essay's points are not fully comprehensible due to language or structural issues. Aim for clarity in each sentence and paragraph.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant, but they could be more specific and detailed to strengthen the argument. Use a variety of detailed examples to support each point made.
