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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows how rocks are created and destroyed in the rock cycle

The diagram below shows how rocks are created and destroyed in the rock cycle
#rocks #rock #cycle
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The illustration shows how rocks are made and demolished in their whole cycle.
Overall
Linking Words
, The cycle starts with the erosion of
a
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rock
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 into sand and stones
due to
Linking Words
 the rain which creates sediments
as a result
Linking Words
 of weather conditions and ends with making
ingeneous
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ingenious
igneous
rock
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 which creates a large
rock
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..
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.
...
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 The process starts with rain which falls on mountain
rock
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 surfaces.
Then
Linking Words
 the
rock
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 is eroded and sands and stones fall from the surface to below the water level which creates sediment. next,sediments make a large sedimentary
rock
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 which
converted
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is converted
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 into Metamorphic
rock
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 as a
resultof
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result of
 high pressure and temperature. After that, Metamorphic
rock
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 melts into
Magma
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whereas
Linking Words
magma
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 is kept in volcanoes.
Magma
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 comes out
due to
Linking Words
 the volcano eruption as lava.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, lava and
magma
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 cool down rapidly both produce igneous
rock
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 which rises slowly to the surface which rises slowly to the surface to complete its cycle.
Submitted by Praslah on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rock, magma with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "falls" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rises" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slowly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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