IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Fatherhood ought to be emphasised as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up.

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Often,
women
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 in many countries and cultures are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have
children
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,
as well as
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 for raising them. In
Colombia
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, having an involved father is a rare phenomenon, which is why
women
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 frequently take on
both
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roles
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 in single-parent families.
Additionally
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, births in
this
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 country are influenced by many uncontrollable factors. In
this
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 essay, I will explain some reasons why
fathers
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 are not as relevant as
mothers
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 in making these
decisions
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, emphasizing the case of the Colombian population. First and foremost, in
Colombia
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,
according to
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 statistics from DANE, two out of five
children
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 live solely with their mother, which means that fatherhood does not play a significant role in their upbringing.
This
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 absence of paternal involvement can lead to
mothers
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 taking on
both
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 parental
roles
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, managing not only the emotional and educational needs of their
children
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 but
also
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 the financial responsibilities.
As a result
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, the burden of child-rearing falls disproportionately on
women
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,
further
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 reinforcing the idea that
fathers
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 are less relevant in decision-making regarding their
children
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's lives.
Furthermore
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, societal norms and economic conditions in
Colombia
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 may contribute to
this
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 phenomenon, where traditional gender
roles
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 are still prevalent, and
women
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 are often expected to assume full responsibility for the family.
In contrast
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, in a traditional family, where the father is a present figure, they can
also
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 take part in
decisions
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 about having
children
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 and how to raise them.
This
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 shared responsibility allows
both
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parents
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 to contribute equally to the child's upbringing, creating a more balanced environment where financial, emotional, and disciplinary
roles
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 are distributed.
Fathers
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 can offer a different perspective on child-rearing, which complements the mother's approach, potentially leading to a more comprehensive development for the
children
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.
Additionally
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, the involvement of
both
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parents
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 can provide greater stability and support for the family unit, ensuring that
decisions
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 regarding the
children
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's welfare are made collaboratively and not left solely to one parent.
This
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 dynamic can foster stronger family bonds and a more structured household. In conclusion, the
roles
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 of
mothers
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 and
fathers
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 in child-rearing can vary significantly depending on the family structure. In single-parent families, particularly in
Colombia
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,
mothers
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 often bear the full responsibility of raising
children
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,
making
Correct word choice
and making
show examples
 critical
decisions
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 on their own.
This
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 contrasts with traditional two-parent families, where the presence of
both
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parents
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 allows for shared decision-making and a more balanced approach to child development.
While
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both
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 family structures have their challenges, the involvement of
both
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parents
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 can provide greater stability and a more comprehensive support system for the child, ultimately benefiting their
overall
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 upbringing.

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task achievement
Your explanation and arguments are clear and well-expressed. To further strengthen your essay, consider adding more specific data or examples to support your points.
task achievement
Ensure that your examples directly illustrate your main points to enhance the relevance and impact of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to slightly improve the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For instance, linking the societal norms mentioned in the first body paragraph more directly to the shared responsibilities in the second could enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and structured introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
task achievement
You effectively discuss the topic from different perspectives, providing a balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are articulated clearly and logically, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Equal Parenting
  • 2. Gender Roles
  • 3. Societal Expectations
  • 4. Emotional Well-being
  • 5. Psychological Development
  • 6. Legal Frameworks
  • 7. Workplace Policies
  • 8. Gender Equality
  • 9. Traditional Responsibilities
  • 10. Active Fatherhood
  • 11. Balanced Development
  • 12. Undue Burden
What to do next:
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