some people believe that university students should work part time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people argue university
students
must focus on their study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
time
, while
others believe they have to start accumulating their
work Correct pronoun usage
apply
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
such
as working as a part timer
. I believe participating in extracurricular Add a hyphen
part-timer
activities
, mainly part
Add a hyphen
part-time
time
working will equip students
with relevant skills
they need in the future.
On the one hand, we all know that the main responsibility for students
at school
is learning as best as they can. This
includes of
how to maintain their focus in the class, working on every assignment, and passing the exams. Change preposition
apply
However
, schooling is also
a place where students
figure out about themselves. Hence
, doing more activities
outside of class settings, therefore
, should be more
encouraged by teachers with a note that student should know their own limits. Correct quantifier usage
apply
For example
, if students
finds
working in a Change the verb form
find
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
time
job would be the best for their future, teachers should allow them to do that.
On the other hand
, working in a part
Add a hyphen
part-time
time
job after school
or on the weekends will introduce students
earlier to some relevants
Correct your spelling
relevant
skills
what
they think are necessary. Correct word choice
that
Therefore
, in school
, students
can be more focused to develop
what Change preposition
on developing
skills
they needed
Wrong verb form
need
such
as time
management, public speaking and
etc. Correct word choice
apply
Furthermore
, doing part
-time
working
will Replace the word
work
also
teach students
several valuable lessons such
as how to work independently by
Change preposition
apply
themselves
and how to team up with their colleagues Correct pronoun usage
apply
occassionally
.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
occasionally
students
should be encouraged to do more activities
outside of academic settings such
as working part
timely
as their extracurricular Replace the word
time
activities
. As long as students
can maintain their focus on their responsibilities at school
, work experiences from part
Add a hyphen
part-time
time
jobs will equip and prepare them with relevant skills
in the workplace later.Submitted by pedrothedawn on
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task achievement
While your essay presents a clear position throughout, the development of ideas could be enhanced. Aim to develop each main point with more specific examples and a clear connection to the thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is generally clear, but transitions between ideas could be smoother, and paragraphing can be improved for better flow and clarity. Use a range of cohesive devices effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are succinct and reflect your position clearly without introducing new ideas in the conclusion.