Today people have unhealthy diets and do not exercise. What do you think why it is so. What are the reasons? Suggest some solutions for solving this situation.
Nowadays,
people
have sedentary lives and obesity has become more common among people
. People
are drawn to unhealthy food
and they are not interested in doing exercise
. This
essay will consider the reasons for this
issue and specify some solutions.
The first reason why people
have a sedentary lives
is that they are swamped at work. Correct the article-noun agreement
a sedentary life
sedentary lives
In other words
, they have heavy workload
and huge responsibilities ,Fix the agreement mistake
workloads
thus
they do not have enough time to do
Unnecessary verb
apply
exercise
and cook healthy food
. Another plausible reason would be due to
smarphones
. Correct your spelling
smartphones
People
used to be more active and energetic ,but these days, they are keen on using smartphones and some online communication platforms, such
as Instagram rather than doing outdoor activities. For example
, younger generations spend large chunks of their time on internet
and their phones Add an article
the internet
although
thet
were used to playing some sports before the invention of Correct your spelling
they
that
internet
. Add an article
the internet
As a result
, it can be certainly said that there are a significant numbers
of reasons involvedFix the agreement mistake
number
,
when talking about motives for sedentary life.
There are some solutions Remove the comma
apply
of
Change preposition
to
prevanting
Correct your spelling
preventing
this
inappropriate lifestyle. To srat
with, we have to allocate some Correct your spelling
start
times
to Fix the agreement mistake
time
exercise
. If we have a demanding job, we have to spent
a Change the form of the verb
spend
few
time, at least 15 minutes, Correct quantifier usage
little
therby
making it great Correct your spelling
thereby
impacts
on our health. Another possible way is that Fix the agreement mistake
impact
people
have to pay more attention on
their diets. Change preposition
to
people
must care about food
labels and reduce intake
of ultra-processed Correct pronoun usage
their intake
food
and foods are
rich in sugar, salt and fat. Consuming Correct pronoun usage
that are
of
Change preposition
apply
this
food
take
Change the verb form
takes
huge
toll on our bodies and Add an article
a huge
are
linked to greater risks of heart Correct subject-verb agreement
is
diseases
and Fix the agreement mistake
disease
cancers
. Fix the agreement mistake
cancer
In addition
, we can consume more necessary vitamins and nutrients which we need for healthire
life. Correct your spelling
healthy
Therefore
, these ways can play a key role in having a healthier life.
All things considered, there are some motives for people
that not be energetic ,such
as having high-powered jobs and living in technology-focused
world. Add an article
a technology-focused
Moreover
, it provide
some solutions ,Change the verb form
provides
such
as doing exercise
at least 15 minutes a day and take
care of our diets.Wrong verb form
taking
Submitted by behshad_arabzadeh on
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Coherence Cohesion
Work on creating a clearer structure in the introduction and conclusion sections. Both should have distinct purposes with the introduction leading into the topic and outlining the approach, while the conclusion summarizes the main points and restates the significance of the topic.
Coherence Cohesion
Improve the logical flow throughout the essay. Transition words and phrases should be used to help the reader easily follow from one idea to the next. Additionally, paragraphs should have a clear central idea that is expanded upon with supporting sentences.
Task Achievement
The essay could be more complete by ensuring all aspects of the prompt are fully addressed. When suggesting solutions, make sure to develop them further to clearly show how they will address the problem.
Task Achievement
Increase the clarity of your ideas by expanding on them and avoiding any vague statements. Make sure each paragraph has a clear position and provide more elaboration to fully explain your points.
Task Achievement
Add relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. Real-life facts and figures can help strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing to the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example