In many countries, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Although
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the migration of rural inhabitants to urban
areas
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in several countries is thought by some to be a useful change for the migrants, other
people
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consider that a reduction in the
number
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of
people
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in rural
areas
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can be harmful. In my opinion, I think that moving rural
people
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to cities can bring out more problems for both
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countrysides
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countryside
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and towns compared to any benefits it might bring. Admittedly, there are some basic advantages of leaving villages.
Firstly
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, there is predicted to remain more resources for those who don't leave the
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countrysides
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countryside
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. Take
for example
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water and farms, remaining rural inhabitants might benefit from enough water sources and more farmlands if other populations of the village migrate to the cities. They,
as a result
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, could have more jobs and income in their own places.
Secondly
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, rural migrants may have more chances to enjoy infrastructure. What
this
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means is that some
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countrysides
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countryside
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are less qualified than towns, so wanting to use facilities including better healthcare and educational systems, recreational equipment and job opportunities,
people
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tend to leave their homes in
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Correct article usage
the countrysides
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countrysides
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countryside
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.
Nevertheless
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, despite the positive points above, I believe that underpopulation of rural
areas
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causes serious drawbacks. One obvious issue is that the production of organic vegetables is likely to decrease.
As a consequence
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, vegetables and fruits which are planted by machinery tools are less delicious and healthy. One potentially dangerous disadvantage is that overpopulation in towns leads to an increase in the
number
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of unemployment.
That is
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because the
number
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of migrants grows more than the
number
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of job positions created in urban
areas
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. Another negative point to consider is that cities will be more polluted if the
number
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of citizens rises unpredictably.
This
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affair,
moreover
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, causes the destruction of infrastructure and ,
for instance
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, public transportation. In conclusion, weighing up both sides of the argument, I would say that the disadvantages of decreasing population in rural
areas
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outweigh any of the minor benefits
such
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as providing probable equipment and opportunities.
Submitted by atefeh.rashidi2022 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a recognizable introduction and conclusion which is good; however, the logical flow of your essay can be improved significantly. Essays that rate higher in this criteria usually display a clear progression of ideas, connect their points effectively, and transition smoothly between paragraphs.
task achievement
The response presents ideas which directly relate to the topic throughout the essay, which satisfies the basics of the task. However, there is a room for improvement in establishing a clear position and maintaining it consistently throughout the essay. High-scoring essays tend to present a more balanced consideration of the issue before stating a definitive viewpoint.
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