Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
There is an argument that the teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives, meanwhile, others think that
adult
life
brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. I believe that teenage years bring more happiness than adult
life
, however
, this
essay will discuss both these views.
One of the reasons why individuals think that teenage life
is much better than adult
life
is less responsibility. In the teenage years person doesn't have kids, which he or she should look after and give this
kid as great education
, as possible, Correct article usage
an education
moreover
, this
person doesn't have loans or taxes, which he or she should pay every month. For example
, parents must go to work to pay all that food,taxes, etcetera. In addition
, they should spend time with their children, so they will know that their parents love them , which can cause stress, because all this
responsibility can be extremely hard.
On the other hand
, teenagers have a lot of stress too. There are a lot of exams, decisions
about who they want to be or where they should go after school. As a teenager, I thought about am I sure that I wanted to be an engineer, Correct word choice
and decisions
also
I thought about is I did
enough stuff to get into my dream university. Wrong verb form
had done
According to
my previous words, part of society thinks that it's better to be an adult
.
To sum up
, I still think that teenage life
is happier than adult
life
, there is a lot of positive stuff except exams, etcetera, certainly, an adult
's life
has some fun moments too, but it's easier when someone is responsible for you than you are responsible for someone.Submitted by satkalialbina07 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure. It is imperative to use paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and arguments, which can help in improving the organization and the clarity of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and the conclusion are both present but could be more distinct and effective. Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topics to be discussed, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the arguments made throughout.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points more thoroughly by expanding on your ideas with fuller explanations and linking them clearly to the question. Aim to present ideas that clearly relate to the main topic with more depth and clarity.
task achievement
While the essay responds to the task, there is room for a more comprehensive coverage of the topic. Include a more nuanced discussion and present a balanced view before giving your opinion.
task achievement
Work on clarifying and expanding your ideas, ensuring each is comprehensively developed within its own paragraph. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Support your ideas with relevant examples. The examples provided are too vague and do not effectively illustrate your points. Consider using concrete and specific instances from real life, literature, or reliable studies.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example