IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Nowadays, it is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a large city. Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

#children #countryside #city
In
this
 day and age, there is a vast expanse of the consumption of sweetened goods, which is known as a prominent element resulting in a number of related issues. I do believe that raising
price
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the price
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 of
this
 kind of product is considered as a noticeable solution to have
this
tendancy
Correct your spelling
tendency
 restrained.
This
 essay will analyze and discuss the divergent reasons
along with
 my own perspective.
Firstly
,
according to
 the economic principle, a large increase in price would accompany
with
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apply
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a reduction in demand, which
then
 drives an adjustment in
customers’s
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customers’
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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.
Therefore
, they become pickier and more reluctant
in consuming
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to consume
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 sugary food and beverages and tend to take healthier nourishment as alternatives.
For instance
, if a healthy meal costs $5
while
 a sugary junk food costs $10, people
then
 prefer the first choice. Assuming that sugary food and drinks cost an arm and a leg, knowledgeable consumers would have no intention
for
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of
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 splashing out on it and students do not get that much
of
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apply
show examples
money to pay for as well.
This
 phenomenon will
then
 of course lead to a decline in purchasing and promote a healthy lifestyle.
Secondly
, it is reasonable to implement
such
 regulation as a way of suppressing the excessive intake of sweets
of
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by
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 people in general and children
in particular
. Despite being an indispensable ingredient in most cuisines, sugar still comes with
such
 apparently substantial consequences: increasing the risk of obesity, diabetes and heart attack.
Hence
,
in addition
 to
currently
Correct article usage
the currently
show examples
 proposed solutions, the cost involved in consuming sugary
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 should be
deliberated
Verb problem
considered
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 to be extravagant.
However
, as mentioned above,
this
 is not the optimal solution for the currently apprehensive problem. Apart from the given suggestion, there is more effort needed for the improvement. Not only does government play a vital role in managing the situation
as
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by
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 coming up with necessary regulations, but workshops and campaigns
also
 need to be
orgainized
Correct your spelling
organised
 regularly in order to
progagate
Correct your spelling
propagate
 the negative effects of diseases caused by sugary products. In conclusion, surge pricing is an
approriate
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appropriate
 proposal
in
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for
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 dealing with the
prevalently
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prevalent
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 consumption of sweetened goods. It is believed to
brings
Wrong verb form
bring
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 a lot of benefits and reduce the
the
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apply
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health related
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health-related
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 issues.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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task response
Ensure the essay directly addresses the question by maintaining a consistent focus on the argument without diverting to unrelated topics.
task response
Provide a clear thesis statement that outlines the main argument or stance on the issue in the introduction.
task response
Develop paragraphs with clear topic sentences that relate directly back to the thesis statement.
task response
Expand on key points with specific examples or data to support arguments, rather than making general statements without evidence.
coherence and cohesion
The essay requires a more logical flow; transitions between sentences and paragraphs should be smoother to guide the reader through the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Incorporate a range of cohesive devices to improve the essay's connectivity, such as conjunctions, pronouns, and referencing words.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure the conclusion summarises the main points of the essay and restates the thesis in light of the arguments presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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