The world's most urgent problem is caused by over-population. Do you agree or disagree?

In
this
day and age, there is a vast expanse of the consumption of sweetened goods, which is known as a prominent element resulting in a number of related issues. I do believe that raising the price of
this
kind of product is considered a noticeable solution to have
this
tendency restrained.
This
essay will analyze and discuss the divergent reasons
along with
my own perspective.
Firstly
,
according to
the economic principle, a large increase in price would accompany
with
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apply
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a reduction in demand, which
then
drives an adjustment in
customers’s
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customers’
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behavior
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behaviour
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.
Therefore
, they become pickier and more reluctant to consume sugary food and beverages and tend to take healthier nourishment as alternatives.
For instance
, if a healthy meal costs $5
while
a sugary junk food costs $10, people
then
prefer the first choice. Assuming that sugary food and drinks cost an arm and a leg, knowledgeable consumers would have no intention of splashing out on it and students do not get that much money to pay for as well.
This
phenomenon will
then
of course lead to a decline in purchasing and promote a healthy lifestyle.
Secondly
, it is reasonable to implement
such
regulation as a way of suppressing the excessive intake of sweets by people in general and children
in particular
. Despite being an indispensable ingredient in most cuisines, sugar still comes with
such
apparently substantial consequences: increasing the risk of obesity, diabetes, and heart attack.
Hence
,
in addition
to the currently proposed solutions, the cost involved in consuming sugary products should be deliberated to be extravagant.
However
, as mentioned above,
this
is not the optimal solution for the currently apprehensive problem. Apart from the given suggestion, there is more effort needed for the improvement. Not only do governments play a vital role in managing the situation
as
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by
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coming up with necessary regulations, but workshops and campaigns
also
need to be organized regularly in order to propagate the negative effects of diseases caused by sugary products. In conclusion, surge pricing is an appropriate proposal
in
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for
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dealing with the prevalent consumption of sweetened goods. It is believed to bring a lot of benefits and reduce other health-related issues.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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task achievement
Make sure to address the prompt directly. Your essay does not address the question about over-population and instead talks about the consumption of sweetened goods and raising the price to reduce consumption. This results in a low score for task achievement, as the response is completely off-topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that are relevant to the topic. Also, each paragraph should have a clear main idea and be well-developed with supporting sentences. This essay lacks cohesion because the paragraphs seem disjointed and the ideas are not always logically connected.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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