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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Countries spends large amount of money on sports competitions. Do you think the advantades outweight the disadvantages.

#countries #amount #money #sports #competitions #advantades #outweight
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The phenomenon of
countries
' huge expenses for
sports
competitions
 has brought various advantages and disadvantages. From my perspective, the drawbacks have exceeded the benefits.
To begin
 with, the improvement of athletes' commitment and grit to the nation can be an obvious advantage.
For instance
, most of the
countries
 will have funds allocated for
athletes'
Correct your spelling
athletes
show examples
 who are able to get medals in well-known
sports
competitions
,
such
 as Olympic and regional
competitions
.
Thus
, increasing their ambition to bring glory to the nation.
Secondly
, the huge amount of expenses can be a great factor in proving the
countries
' existence in the international
sports
 arena. As they will be viewed as big players.
On the other hand
, the problems that arise bring more harm than good. As a starter, for some unresponsible parties,
this
 can be a huge opportunity to do corruption.
For instance
, a few developing
countries
 often
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
this
 problem with most of the perpetrators
got
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 away easily
due to
 lenient laws. The other disadvantage is in the long run, it will greatly impact the country as a whole, and citizens will be the most vulnerable. Especially if the money comes from debtors who include interest, the possibility of not paying it on time can be high.
Furthermore
, the country can go bankrupt
due to
 it. In conclusion, the disadvantages of spending humongous money on
sports
competitions
 bring various drawbacks, including corruption and bankruptcy. Those clearly outweigh the benefits that could be brought.
Submitted by alyarachmadivaa on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which is good for the structure. However, you should ensure the main points in your argument are fully supported with specific examples and evidence to increase your score.
Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Provide a more balanced discussion on both advantages and disadvantages and add more relevant specific examples to support your points.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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