In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
There are different views about whether ageing
people
may cause some problems for authorities or if they are practical for society. I admit that the retired may have more benefits, Use synonyms
such
as transferring information to young Linking Words
people
and family gatherings, than their drawbacks, like pensions and community Use synonyms
care
.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, increasing pension costs might be the most important problem for governments. Linking Words
While
the laws have to allocate a budget for the retired Linking Words
people
. Use synonyms
This
money might be used for infrastructures Linking Words
such
as building modern schools or green spaces to improve the quality of education and air quality. Linking Words
Also
, they will require more attention from family and the government. When they become older, they are less likely to be able to take Linking Words
care
of themselves in many ways. Use synonyms
For example
, When the number of elderly individuals increases, the government must construct new facilities to Linking Words
care
for them, even though some continue to reside with their families.
Despite some drawbacks, retired Use synonyms
people
play a significant role in improving communities in different ways. Use synonyms
Firstly
, they can help students who graduated recently to find appropriate jobs that fit their desires. Linking Words
For instance
, ageing Linking Words
people
with valuable information might be invited by authorities to several seminars to persuade young Use synonyms
people
to gain experience and knowledge to learn how to work more efficiently. Use synonyms
Moreover
, ageing Linking Words
people
can make a strong bond with family, because of giving good advice and helping parents to bring up better children. Use synonyms
In particular
, elderly individuals may spend more time with their grandchildren, providing Linking Words
care
and sharing stories that can positively impact their outlook on various aspects of life.
In conclusion, governments might struggle with some aspects of having a lot of ageing Use synonyms
people
in society; Use synonyms
however
, they should have more benefits not only for governments but Linking Words
also
for families.Linking Words
Submitted by sarmastsobhan1994 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a logical structure, introducing the topic and presenting both sides of the argument. The conclusion summarizes the main points, although it could be more comprehensive in restating the thesis statement and providing a definitive stance.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to smoothly transition between ideas and paragraphs. Some paragraphs lack clear linking words which are necessary to guide the reader through the argument. Developing cohesive devices such as 'furthermore,' 'consequently,' and 'as a result' would enhance cohesion.
task achievement
The response touches on both the advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population, but it does not fully develop a balanced argument that extensively explores both sides. To improve, provide a deeper evaluation of each point made and use a range of relevant examples to support assertions.
task achievement
The ideas presented are understandable but lack depth and comprehensive analysis. Try to elaborate more on each point with clear explanations and detailed information. This approach will make the essay more persuasive and coherent, demonstrating a higher proficiency in presenting ideas.
task achievement
Provide specific and relevant examples to strengthen your argument. The essay currently includes some general examples but lacks the specificity that IELTS examiners look for. Use real-world scenarios, statistics, studies, or hypothetical situations to support each advantage and disadvantage discussed.