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Band 6.5

Some people believe that education in all its stages should be free to everyone, while others think that university education should be paid for by the people who want it. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

#people #education #stages #university #points
In today’s increasingly competitive world, it is essential that everyone has an equal opportunity to obtain an adequate
education
. If people are excluded from higher
education
 because they cannot afford the
fees
, not only they and their families but
also
 their society will be poorer
as a result
.
Therefore
, I believe that
education
 should be free for those individuals who are unable to pay for reasons of poverty.
It is clear that
 throughout the world increasing numbers of people are attending
university
, and that
this
 has become a vital part of any individual's
education
. If people are deprived of a tertiary
education
 for reasons of poverty,
this
 will have a seriously detrimental impact on their future lives.
For example
, someone who does not attend
university
, because they cannot afford the
fees
, will be very unlikely to get a good job in future.
Consequently
, governments and organizations should offer scholarships to deserving
students
, in order to prevent the inability to pay from depriving them of higher
education
.
On the other hand
, the rapid
expansion
 of
university
education
 in many countries has been funded by the
fees
 that
students
 pay, at least in part. If governments had to find the extra money required to pay the
fees
 of poorer citizens,
this
 would slow down the process of
expansion
 and deprive other
students
 of places at
university
.
For example
, every time that the government had to divert funds from
university
expansion
 to paying for current
students
,
this
 would prevent another
university
 place being offered
elsewhere
.
As a result
, funding for poorer individuals should not be allowed to prevent the nation as a whole from benefiting from increased numbers of
students
 attending higher
education
. All countries around the world see it as their goal to offer the maximum number of individuals the opportunities to study at the highest possible level.
Although
 funding poorer
students
 might deprive the
education
 system as a whole of funds for
expansion
, I believe that in any fair and civilized society, free
education
 should be offered at all levels and that poverty should not be a bar to a
university
 place.
Submitted by 76805977 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay maintains a clear position throughout the response, which is consistent with the conventions of an opinion essay. Avoid neutral or wavering language unless when discussing contrasting viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has an adequate logical structure, enhancing transitional phrases and using a wider variety of them could improve the readability and flow of your essay.
task achievement
The main points in your essay are supported, but deepening the analysis with more detailed examples could strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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