Is it important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, globalisation has opened many opportunities to level up people’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
personal and professional.
However
, they should take
risks
as requirements to
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
career advancement in
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
and have good resilience and adaptability in their
life
.
This
essay will elaborate
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
important people
take
Fix the infinitive
to take
show examples
risks
in evolving
the
Change the word
their
show examples
quality of
life
. People’s demand
in
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for
show examples
basic needs, like property and
grocery
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groceries
show examples
become higher time by time as high as goods
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
in
global
Add an article
the global
show examples
market.
This
situation encourages people to have
long-work
Correct your spelling
long work
show examples
hours,
then
it enables them to get career advancement
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
earning
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
salary. That condition must be supported with good professional development,
such
as international professional training which takes much money, time, and effort. Unfortunately, those sacrifices will not guarantee the workers to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
level up from their job position, especially in big or multinational companies.
That is
because
Add the preposition
because of
show examples
a high-competitive skill among employees on performance.
For example
, in a bad case, they could get field in promotion.
However
, even though workers experience unselected
in
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apply
show examples
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
, they will become certified international well-trained
employee
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employees
show examples
as they
put
Verb problem
pay
show examples
attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
professional development, as their
risks
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
another chance, if there is a good opportunity in other companies which offer higher
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
, they probably will be selected easily. It is
same
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
important in
personal
Correct pronoun usage
my personal
show examples
life
as well. Every person must have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good resilience and adaptability in
globalisation
Correct article usage
the globalisation
show examples
era. Those survival skills have to
build
Wrong verb form
be built
show examples
by taking some
risks
like
travel
Wrong verb form
travelling
show examples
and
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
alone in a
country
.
For example
, International students have to travel and live in another
country
just by themselves. They must learn a new language and survive
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the weather
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
extremely different from
origin
Correct article usage
the origin
show examples
country
.
Moreover
, they might have social
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
like
language
Correct article usage
a language
show examples
barrier, or get sick because of extreme weather. But, if students are able to tackle the situation, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
elevate their personal skills in social, rather than
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
just
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
in their
country
and
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
any
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
. In conclusion, taking
risks
in professional development to
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
career advancement and in personal
life
to build good resilience and adaptability are important.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
is because globalisation requires good personal and professional skills.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Be sure to organize your ideas more clearly to improve logical structure. Use paragraphs effectively to separate topics and ideas for better reader understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion
Pay closer attention to the wording of the question and make sure that your introduction and conclusion directly address the question asked. Refrain from being generic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Develop your main points further by using a mix of complex sentences and clear, supporting examples. This ensures each point is robust and contributes to the overall argument.
Task Achievement
Make sure your response fully covers all parts of the task. Each aspect should be explored fully and concluded with a clear personal stance to show a complete response.
Task Achievement
Work on clarity by rephrasing complex ideas in a more straightforward manner, ensuring that comprehensive ideas are not obfuscated by overly complex language or unclear expressions.
Task Achievement
To effectively use examples, ensure they are specific, highly relevant, and well-explained to support the respective points being made. Avoid general statements that do not offer concrete evidence.

Your opinion

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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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