Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. Do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that countries should allocate more funds to
education
than to leisure and competitive games. It is agreed that national budgets should prioritise schools and universities over sports and play.
First,
I will discuss the economic
benefits
that
education
can bring to a nation and,
secondly
, its social
benefits
. Investment in its
education
system is one of the best ways to improve a country’s economy in the long term. The more students entering third-level
education
, the more skilled a workforce will be, leading to higher innovation and productivity.
For example
, South Korea and Finland decided to invest a large proportion of their budget in
education
, and
this
has reaped
benefits
in the form of high-tech companies
such
as Samsung and Nokia.
However
, people cannot always work hard, and these companies provide leisure facilities for their workers.
Education
is not just about improving the economy; it
also
has many social
benefits
. Well-educated people tend to be more aware of social evils
such
as drugs, alcohol and sexual health.
For example
, Singapore educates all of its citizens on the dangers of drugs, resulting in one of the lowest levels of drug abuse in the world. Despite
this
, sports can
also
teach children valuable soft skills,
such
as teamwork and work ethic, which
also
help curb social ills. In conclusion,
education
should take precedence over sports when it comes to funding
due to
the many socio-economic
benefits
it brings. It is recommended that governments continue to pump money into schools and universities to realise long-term goals.
Submitted by nadillamntr on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a clear progression throughout the essay by organizing ideas into logical paragraphs, and linking them effectively. While the essay has a good logical structure, there are opportunities to make paragraphs flow more smoothly with enhanced transitional phrases and varied sentence structures.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which is excellent. However, it could improve by adding a more nuanced thesis statement in the introduction and a summary of main points in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support all main points with solid examples. Some points made were well-supported, while others could benefit from more in-depth illustrations or specific evidence.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay fully responds to the task by addressing all parts of the prompt. You have given a clear position and extended it throughout the response, but try to develop all aspects of the argument more thoroughly.
Task Achievement
Present clear, comprehensive ideas, and provide depth to your arguments. Overall, you demonstrated an excellent grasp on this, sustaining a clear position throughout your response.
Task Achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. While some examples were clear and appropriate like the reference to South Korea and Finland, try to include consistently detailed and relevant examples to add weight to your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental
  • workforce
  • fosters
  • innovation
  • inequality
  • circumstances
  • outcomes
  • hygiene
  • private sector
  • initiatives
  • engaged
  • stability
  • cohesion
  • national pride
  • economic development
  • societal progress
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