IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that technology causes more problems for modern society than it solves. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that
the
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modern technological evolution has done
the
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more harm than beneficial to both the individual and society.
Although
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 I believe in agree that technology has impacted human life to an unhealthy degree and
however
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 rejecting the function of technology is impractical because it could improve both public health and education. On the one hand, our lives have become too complex with daily problems. We are now often buried with work-related email notifications, calls or text messages. Even
the
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for the
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 young, there are numerous phone applications for students to receive and notify home
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
. Another striking feature is that daily entertainment is
also
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 linked with
the
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technological devices
such
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 as televisions, computers, or smartphones, all of which are addictive.
On the other hand
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, medical and educational technologies have been providing
the
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benefits to society nowadays. In fact,
due to
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 medical advances, doctors are now able to solve health problems more accurately than decades ago.
Furthermore
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, innovative medical products can now replace and sustain failing body functions, thereby supporting people
in living
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to live
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 actively.
Besides
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, the use of information and communication technologies plays a crucial role in providing a more flexible learning process. In the recent Covid-19 pandemic.
For instance
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, learning poverty was at an all-time high for most underdeveloped countries. As local schools were forced to close
due to
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 the disease, remote learning was
then
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 deployed using a combination of TV, Online, and Laptop, which can teach thousands of students. In conclusion, despite its
harm
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harmful
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 problems, technological development is still
a
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an
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 important part
for
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of
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 modern society
as
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because of
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 its contribution
for
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to
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 healthcare and education.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion present a clear stance on the issue. You did include a thesis and a summarizing conclusion, but the overall position should be more apparent throughout the essay.
logical structure
Develop a clear and logical structure by organizing your paragraphs around central ideas, using transition words and phrases to lead the reader through the arguments. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence.
supported main points
Support your main points with specific examples or detailed explanations. You included some examples, but they should be more closely related to the central argument to strengthen your position.
complete response
Fully address the task by responding to all parts of the prompt. Make sure your agreement or disagreement with the statement is explicitly stated and addressed consistently throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand your ideas for a comprehensive response. Some passages were vague or lacked specific detail, which could have improved the level of insight into the topic.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant examples that are directly related to the topic and serve to concretely illustrate your points. While you did use examples, ensuring they have a direct link to your argument is crucial.
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