IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

some people believe that that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
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It is thought by some that
teenagers
 should be required to do unpaid
community
work
 in their free time. In their opinion, it can benefit their
community
's abilities as well. I partially agree with these statements, and in my opinion,
community
work
 helps them learn important life skills.
To begin
 with, let us shed light on the argument that
such
 activities can really help
society
 and
teenagers
 themselves in a developmental way. First and foremost, volunteer
work
 definitely helps
society
. It supports solving some of
society
's issues.
Besides
this
, by participating in
community
work
,
teenagers
 claim essential life skills, by working in charity organizations. Their services develop empathy and feelings for other people.
As well as
 by participating in
community
work
,
teenagers
 can gain valuable
work
 experience and develop essential skills for future employment.
For instance
, in Kazakhstan, there are a lot of unpaid volunteer organizations, where students
work
 voluntarily. It helps some of them to get accepted into various educational institutions.
On the other hand
, there are some potential challenges to requiring
teenagers
 to engage in unpaid
community
work
. One significant concern is that forcing them to participate may cause resentment and reduce their motivation.
Teenagers
 who are already burdened with academic pressure might feel overwhelmed if additional responsibilities are imposed on them.
For instance
, balancing school assignments, extracurricular activities, and
community
 service could leave them stressed and exhausted, which might negatively impact their mental well-being.
In addition
, mandatory volunteer
work
 may diminish the spirit of voluntary service. If young people are required to participate, they may view
community
work
 as an obligation rather than an opportunity to give back.
As a result
, they might lack enthusiasm, which could reduce the effectiveness of their efforts.
However
, despite these drawbacks, these challenges can be mitigated by offering
teenagers
 flexibility in choosing the type of
community
 service they want to engage in.
This
 way, they can develop a genuine interest in volunteering, which would ultimately lead to positive outcomes for both them and
society
.
Submitted by bitimbayz on

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coherence cohesion
The essay is generally clear and logically structured, but it would benefit from more explicit transitional phrases to better connect ideas between paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure all examples are directly relevant and well-explained to strengthen the argument. For instance, further explaining how community work directly benefits teenagers would enhance the task response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the writer's stance, setting up the essay effectively.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant examples, such as the situation in Kazakhstan, to support the arguments made.
task achievement
The writer addresses both sides of the argument, acknowledging potential challenges while offering solutions, which shows a good depth of analysis.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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