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Band 3.5

One of the prime times for advertising on TV is when children get back from school. Some people think that advertisements aimed at children should not be allowed. What is your opinion?

#times #tv #children #school #people #advertisements
There is no denying the fact that advertising to
children
 is one of the famous ways of marketing.
While
 It is a commonly held
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
belief that
children
 should not be a target for
the
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apply
show examples
advertisements
, there is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that I could not agree more that
advertisements
 must not be allowed to make
children
 their target.
To begin
 with, sometimes
advertisements
 have a negative impact on
children
's behaviour.
In other words
, It is normal that
kids
 would not control themselves when they are attracted to an advertisement on TV because they are not mature.
In addition
, parents always are weak for their
kids
 wants.
For example
, when the
kids
 are fascinated by toys that are watched in
advertisements
 on TV, It is harmful to the parents if they cannot bring their
children
asks
Verb problem
apply
show examples
due to
 their financial disability. Another point to consider, I believe
advertisements
 teach
children
 to be overspenders. It is
also
 possible to say that,
advertisements
 encourage
kids
 to be opposed to what they learned from their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 in spending.
Moreover
,
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 of
kids
 could be affected by
advertisements
.
For Instance
, advertisers always focus on
interests
Correct article usage
the interests
show examples
 of
children
 and how to attract them. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that
children
 are a tool for the
advertisements
 companies. I think governments should impose strict regulations on the advertising system throughout the world
Submitted by isamifahad4 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure the introduction clearly states your position and that the conclusion effectively summarizes your essay without introducing new ideas.
Paragraph Structure
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each one focusing on a specific point. Use topic sentences to introduce these points.
Supporting Examples
Support your main points with relevant and specific examples. These can be hypothetical or drawn from your knowledge or personal experiences.
Task Achievement
The essay shows an understanding of the task and presents a clear position throughout. However, a more comprehensive response with well-developed ideas and a full conclusion would strengthen it. Include a range of ideas and fully develop them to fully satisfy the task requirements, ensuring that all parts of the task are covered sufficiently.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve cohesion by linking ideas within and across sentences and paragraphs using a range of linking words and phrases. Ensure that the progression of ideas is logical and paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • targeted advertising
  • consumerism
  • vulnerable demographic
  • cognitive development
  • marketing ethics
  • parental supervision
  • regulatory measures
  • consumer habits
  • materialism
  • ad literacy
  • purchasing power
  • manipulative tactics
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