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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.

The graphs below show the numbers of male and female workers in 1975 and 1995 in several employment sectors of the Republic of Freedonia.
#graphs #show #numbers #workers #employment #sectors #republic #freedonia
The two graphs provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the total
number
 of employees working in six different sectors both male and female in the Republic of Freedonia in 1975 and 1995.
Overall
, In 1975 the total
number
 of
men
 was higher than
of
Correct pronoun usage
that of
show examples
 women in every
sector
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
 communications and wholesale & retail trade sectors there was a significant increase in the
number
 of women employees in 1995.
However
, the
number
 of
employee
Change to a plural noun
employees
show examples
are in
Verb problem
is
show examples
 1000.
According to
 the line charts, the
number
 of working
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rose drastically in
communications
Correct article usage
the communications
show examples
sector
 from around 270 to 550 in 1975 and 1995 respectively.
Moreover
, female employees in wholesale &
retail
Correct word choice
and retail
show examples
 trade followed the same trend and
goes
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 almost 800
surpassed
Wrong verb form
surpassing
show examples
 the
men
 .
Furthermore
, finance
sector
 female workers
steady
Change the word
steadily
show examples
 reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same level
of
Change preposition
as
show examples
 working
men
 which was nearly 330 in 1995. Unfortunately,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
public
sector
 (defence) had very slight changes women reached around 100 but
men
 came
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 200. Despite, the period of 20 years total
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 in both
manufacturing
Correct article usage
the manufacturing
show examples
sector
 and public
sector
 (non-defence) remain almost
unchaged
Correct your spelling
unchanged
.
Submitted by amit.kumar96101 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, men, sector with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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