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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People feel that educational success is dependent on having a good teacher, others say it depends not the attitude of the student. Discuss both side and state your opinion*

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Despite the belief held by some that success in education partially
rely
Correct subject-verb agreement
relies
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 on having a professional tutor,others claim it is widely dependent on
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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. I disagree with
this
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,though.
This
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 essay will delve into the details of the mentioned topic,
in addition
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 to my opinion that will be elucidated,
along with
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 some corporations to justify my point of view.
To begin
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 with,plenty of people are convinced that the role of
teachers
Use synonyms
 in education is very essential to success the of pupils.Since
students
Use synonyms
 will not get high marks If their
teachers
Use synonyms
 are not qualified enough.To illustrate
this
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,
for instance
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, in Japan, where
teachers
Use synonyms
 have to be quite familiar with the majority of some complex subjects in order to comprehend these topics for the
students
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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,in my country (Egypt) to be a teacher you have to accomplish some difficult exams in the procedure to be a tutor in school.In spite of the given clarifications, I am inclined to think neither. Regarding another view,there is no doubt If the
students
Use synonyms
 are not keen on studying, they will not pass their exams,even If they have good
teachers
Use synonyms
.
Although
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 the roles of tutors in education are very critical,it is no surprise that success in didactic is to a great extent dependent on disciples. To illustrate
this
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,in Ealing School in London, there are a lot of competitive
teachers
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,
whereas
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 the marks of the disciples are on an upward trend.To justify
this
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, New research has found that the grasp of complex subjects is dependent on the student's behaviours.
According to
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 (cohen. et al). In a
nutshell
Add a comma
nutshell,
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 after a thorough analysis of the aforementioned topic, it is predicted that successful of the pupils in
educational
Replace the word
education
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is not dependent on
teachers
Use synonyms
,but relies on their appeal toward learning and
this
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 is my perception,as well.
while
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 another held
different
Add an article
a different
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 view.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates some organization but lacks clear paragraphing, and some ideas aren't fully developed. You should work on creating distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences followed by supporting details. Additionally, ensure that there's a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Improve the linkage of ideas and the use of conjunctions to aid coherence.
task achievement
While you have addressed the task to an extent, the response is incomplete as it lacks a balanced discussion on both views. There's a need to develop ideas more fully and consistently across the essay. Make sure to dedicate equal attention to both sides of the argument and provide a conclusion that summarizes your points and restates your opinion.
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