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Recently, People have many environmental issues and this cause variety of illnesses. What protection government or society should take

#people #variety #illnesses #protection #government #society
In today's world environment getting polluted day by day and individuals are not aware that pollution will bring a variety of illness First of all, Consuming
all natural
Add a hyphen
all-natural
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 habitat sources is causing environmental degradation.
Thus
, nature stopped producing new biodiversity. Deforestation decreases green energy potential and
this
 affects people's health.
In other words
, every tree
that is
cutted
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cut
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 by people
,
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apply
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 turns out apperance of new diseases.
In addition
, using extra cars emits poisoned gasses, so tackling
this
 issue undeniable circumstance.
Additionally
, there is another big risk which is urban sprawl and
this
 causes a changing ecosystem that
also
 pollutes biodiversity.
On the other hand
, over-utilization
such
 as building new industrial areas,new cars,buildings, and much more combat natural areas, and
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
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 community respiration. When people respirate they get all poisoned air
instead
 of fresh air,
Hence
, society has to face many unknown illnesses. To protect our nature, the government should implement new regulatory standards which protect individuals and the environment.
For instance
, some countries support many companies to use renewable energies like sun energy,and wind energy that limit carbon footprint. Using sustainable energies lessens emissions and combustion which protects from pollution. The government has to ban the usage of non-biodegradable sources.
To sum up
, On
the
Correct article usage
apply
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earth, communities are the reason
of
Change preposition
for
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 all of
this
 deforestation and pollution. We may reduce the effects of
this
 utilization by using and offering new renewable energies which is crucial to have a better life. As a
human-being
Correct your spelling
human being
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, we should have changed our mindset to be aware that nature is a living habitat
Submitted by nurullahgultekin3451 on

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Task Achievement
The essay attempts to answer the question, yet fails to address the scope of governmental and societal protection methods comprehensively. It should provide a more direct and detailed explanation of the actions that can be taken, as well as the impact and necessity of these measures.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay structure shows room for improvement. Linking words have been utilized; however, the progression of ideas could be more logical. A clearer introduction, more cohesive paragraphs, and a concise conclusion could enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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