In some countries fast food restaurants and supermakets give money to schools to promote their products. do you think this is a positive or negative development ?
Many
nations
fast Change noun form
nation's
nations'
food
restaurants and supermarket
give advertising to Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
nearly
schools to promote their products. Change the adverb
near
Overall
, this
essay will express the con
Fix the agreement mistake
cons
about
the impacts of fast Change preposition
of
food
restaurants and supermarkets give
Wrong verb form
giving
discount
to Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
such
as expansion
mental Replace the word
expanding
issue
and reducing behaviour of saving.
On one the hand, there is Fix the agreement mistake
issues
effect
of mental issues for new Add an article
the effect
an effect
restaurant
and Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
supermarket
open Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
nearly
Change the adverb
near
school
. Moreover
, the targets
Fix the agreement mistake
target
consumen
of Correct your spelling
consumers
place
Correct article usage
the place
it
are who Correct pronoun usage
apply
staying
Wrong verb form
stay
surroundings
Correct article usage
the surroundings
the
place, Change preposition
of the
in
contrast
the Add the comma(s)
contrast,
primarlly
goals are students. There are on massa growth, if Correct your spelling
primary
the
consume Correct your spelling
they
alot
of Correct your spelling
a lot
food
, it will be
Unnecessary verb
apply
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
for
Change preposition
apply
those
healthy life. A recent Change the word
their
survei
Correct your spelling
survey
display
that 70% Correct subject-verb agreement
displays
students
Change preposition
of students
spending
more Wrong verb form
spend
money
for
buying Change preposition
apply
jung
Correct your spelling
junk
food
at restaurants so their
need more extra Correct pronoun usage
they
money
for their parents. Thus
, the impacts
of Fix the agreement mistake
impact
jung
Correct your spelling
junk
food
around the school
is increasing mental-healthy issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
such
as behaviour
to consume fast Correct article usage
the behaviour
food
.
On the other hand
, the habitits
Correct your spelling
habits
for
saving Change preposition
of
money
are reducing, due the
youngest Change preposition
to the
take
a lot of Wrong verb form
taking
money
for
buying fast Change preposition
to
food
. In contrast
, if the newly
Change the word
new
restaurant
open
around the Wrong verb form
opens
school
, there will give
Verb problem
be
alot
of Correct your spelling
a lot
discount
and Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
installing
Verb problem
apply
voucher
for new Fix the agreement mistake
vouchers
costumer
. Correct your spelling
customers
Moreover
, the student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraged
with
the advertising Change preposition
apply
due to
part of Correct article usage
the stategy
stategy
Correct your spelling
strategy
promote
of the Replace the word
promotion
restaurant
. For example
, the student of junior high school
in Merauke city spent money
around 100.000 Rupiah for buying
Change preposition
to buy
for
in cafe Change preposition
apply
nearly
Change the word
near
school
Correct article usage
the school
in
the main street. All in all, the Change preposition
on
food
place
around Fix the agreement mistake
places
school
are to encourage Add an article
the school
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
for rising
consume fast Verb problem
to
food
.
Conclusion
, there are negative effects Change preposition
In conclusion
for
Change preposition
on
restaurant
and Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
supermarket
around the schools. Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
Moreover
, the parents should building
and Change the verb form
build
be building
encourge
, their children Correct your spelling
encourage
for
learn to Change preposition
to
saving
Change the verb
save
money
then
buying
fast Wrong verb form
buy
food
.Submitted by musa.nuwa on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks cohesion and suffers from grammatical inaccuracies, making it difficult to follow the line of argument throughout the essay. It's important to construct sentences properly and use connectors to link ideas effectively.
coherence cohesion
You should ensure that your introduction presents the topic clearly and your conclusion effectively summarises the main points made. Both should also reflect on the implications of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Supporting points with relevant and clear examples is crucial. Make sure each main idea is developed with specific reasons, examples, or explanations.
task achievement
The essay does not fully address the task as the prompt asks for your opinion on whether it is a positive or negative development that fast food restaurants and supermarkets give money to schools. You should clearly present your viewpoint and stay focused on the topic throughout your response.
task achievement
Ideas need to be expressed clearly and developed comprehensively. Focus on explaining one main idea per paragraph and expand on it with relevant details, rather than including multiple under-developed ideas.
task achievement
Incorporate examples that are directly relevant to the prompt. It's important to use these examples to illustrate your arguments and directly respond to the task given.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?