IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #enrol #university #situation
In several countries, there are
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of young
people
 has
preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 to enroll the work-based study
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 rather than studying
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
. The vocational
program
 seems to be a realistic choice in order to be competitive in the job market,
whereas
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
university
 education requires
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 cost of attendance.
Therefore
, studying in
work-based
Correct article usage
a work-based
show examples
 scheme would bring more advantages rather than disadvantages.
Firstly
, the vocational school curriculum is mainly focusing on technical skills. Technical skills are very demanded by most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
employers
Add an article
the employers
show examples
 since they are hoping for
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 talents.
For example
, employers' purpose in hiring new talents is to increase productivity and achieve the target.
Although
 these talents still need
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 and introductions,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
they will not require a lot of time to be ready for the job.
Secondly
,
while
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 degree requires a higher cost than
work-based
Add an article
a work-based
the work-based
show examples
program
,
people
 will not choose
university
 as the first option. Young
people
 in
university
 are expected to be a person who can think strategically.
For instance
, if all those young
people
 tend to go to vocational school it will affect the regeneration in managerial positions.
This
 will cause a crisis in
organization
Correct article usage
the organization
show examples
 because many employees cannot be managed by only one manager. In conclusion, many young generation choose to study in vocational school
instead
 of
university
 because of the practical aspect. Even though
vocational
Add an article
the vocational
show examples
program
 has a disadvantage in
Add an article
the organization
an organization
show examples
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
, at least
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will produce
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 manpower in order to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 the goals of the company.
In addition
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vocational
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 have been proven
in lowering
Change preposition
to lower
show examples
 the unemployment rate in underdeveloped countries.
Submitted by nadhif2799 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay lacks a clear overview or thesis statement which makes it difficult for the reader to understand the main argument.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop each main point with clear examples and explanations. This will strengthen the argument and improve task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs to be clearer. Use paragraphing to organize your ideas effectively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion need to be more defined to give a clear start and end to the essay. This will also help in improving the coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs. This might include conjunctions, pronouns, and transition phrases.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: