IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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In several countries, there are
number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of young
people
Use synonyms
 has
preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
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 to enroll the work-based study
Use synonyms
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
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 rather than studying
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
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. The vocational
program
Use synonyms
 seems to be a realistic choice in order to be competitive in the job market,
whereas
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
university
Use synonyms
 education requires
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 cost of attendance.
Therefore
Linking Words
, studying in
work-based
Correct article usage
a work-based
show examples
 scheme would bring more advantages rather than disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the vocational school curriculum is mainly focusing on technical skills. Technical skills are very demanded by most
of
Change preposition
apply
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employers
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the employers
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 since they are hoping for
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
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 talents.
For example
Linking Words
, employers' purpose in hiring new talents is to increase productivity and achieve the target.
Although
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 these talents still need
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 and introductions,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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they will not require a lot of time to be ready for the job.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 degree requires a higher cost than
work-based
Add an article
a work-based
the work-based
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program
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 will not choose
university
Use synonyms
 as the first option. Young
people
Use synonyms
 in
university
Use synonyms
 are expected to be a person who can think strategically.
For instance
Linking Words
, if all those young
people
Use synonyms
 tend to go to vocational school it will affect the regeneration in managerial positions.
This
Linking Words
 will cause a crisis in
organization
Correct article usage
the organization
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 because many employees cannot be managed by only one manager. In conclusion, many young generation choose to study in vocational school
instead
Linking Words
 of
university
Use synonyms
 because of the practical aspect. Even though
vocational
Add an article
the vocational
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program
Use synonyms
 has a disadvantage in
Add an article
the organization
an organization
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organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
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, at least
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will produce
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
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 manpower in order to
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 the goals of the company.
In addition
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vocational
Use synonyms
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 have been proven
in lowering
Change preposition
to lower
show examples
 the unemployment rate in underdeveloped countries.

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task achievement
The essay lacks a clear overview or thesis statement which makes it difficult for the reader to understand the main argument.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop each main point with clear examples and explanations. This will strengthen the argument and improve task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs to be clearer. Use paragraphing to organize your ideas effectively. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion need to be more defined to give a clear start and end to the essay. This will also help in improving the coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas across sentences and paragraphs. This might include conjunctions, pronouns, and transition phrases.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
What to do next:
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