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Band 5

Today, more people are waiting until their thirties to get married and have children. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #thirties #children #development
In recent years, there have been numerous
people
 getting married and having
children
 in their thirties rather than
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age. As
such
, there are merits and demerits in
this
 alteration,
although
 I opine
thats
Correct your spelling
that
that's
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 merits outweigh the demerits. In my view, getting
marriage
Replace the word
married
show examples
 and building
family
Add an article
a family
show examples
 are serious matters that need
financially stable
Replace the word
financial stability
show examples
 and individual growth. Late marriages and parenthood offer more time to build
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 foundation before starting a family. In
this
 essay, I will examine all the relevant opinions based on factual premises. There are several arguments, the most prominent one is that getting married and becoming
parents
 must provide better
financially
Change the word
financial
show examples
 stability for
children
. To pursue all of
this
,
people
 must establish their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 and have stable
income
Fix the agreement mistake
incomes
show examples
.
For example
, if
people
 want to have
children
, they must prepare everything that their
children
 need in the future.
In addition
,
delay
Wrong verb form
delaying
show examples
 marriage and childbirth can give more
oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to pursue personal goals and education,
thus
 after marrying they can be more
focus
Replace the word
focused
show examples
 on their
children
 and family's goals.
On the other hand
, delaying marriage and childbirth can
be reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 the
posibility
Correct your spelling
possibility
to have
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of having
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
children
a child
show examples
children
 in the future because of decreasing fertility.
Moreover
, other health problems and risks to mother and child.
In addition
, having
Add an article
a child
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 in
thirties
Correct pronoun usage
their thirties
his thirties
her thirties
show examples
 might be difficult to match the energy with
hiperactive
Correct your spelling
hyperactive
children
 and potentially lack of bonding between
parents
 and
children
.
Hence
,
children
 might
be feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 ignored and less loved
from
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by
show examples
 their
parents
. In conclusion, tying
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 knot and having
children
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
such
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 age is incredible,
however
, being ready and steady
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
physically, mentally, and financially are important to have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 excellent family. In my opinion, getting married late
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 numerous
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
 to
people
 as an individual or as
parents
 in the future.
Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • matrimonial timing
  • fertility issues
  • career-oriented
  • financial security
  • societal norms
  • generational divide
  • personal fulfillment
  • personality development
  • biological clock
  • extended adolescence
  • family planning
  • child rearing
  • socioeconomic factors
  • traditional milestones
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